


Letters from the Drumfire

by HerrKirschbaum



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Army, Epistolary, Historical, Letters, Love, Love Letters, M/M, Romance, Soldiers, Survival, Tragic Romance, War, World War I
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-05-18 01:53:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 23,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5893612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerrKirschbaum/pseuds/HerrKirschbaum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Letters from World War I, exchanged between the French tea shop owner Levi Ackerman and the English soldier Erwin Smith.</p><p>This fic used to be written in cooperation with Gochi @ Animexx.<br/>From letter 37 on it will be written by HerrKirschbaum only.</p><p>Due to avoid spoilers we refrained from adding tags. Keep in mind though - it is a narration that takes place during a war. It's better to brace for the worst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Extract of the diary of Levi Ackerman. Entry from august 5th, 1914

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Briefe aus dem Trommelfeuer](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/173299) by Gochi & Me (aka HerrKirschbaum). 



Paris, august 5th, 1914

The times are changing. Ever since the assassination in Sarajevo, it became quite obvious that the European foreign affairs will soon become a disaster, but the current development strikes me with awe.

Germany declared the war against France on August 3rd, which is hardly two days ago. You could read about it in any newspaper. Though, it was clear most people still can't get their head wrapped around it, not to mention realize the changes that would probably come with it. We can only hope that the situation can be appeased within the end of the year. Although, according to Germany's recent behaviour, they refuse to be satisfied until it comes to a real war.

The foreseeable soon happened. The Entente Cordiale, the alliance between France, England and Russia, this international network, draws its consequences. As a reaction of Germany's declaration, England's declaration of war towards Germany occured one day later, on August 4th. If it continues on like this, all of Europe will be a glorious tragedy before the year 1914 ends.  
The chance that some of us - Farlan, Eren or myself - are called up to fight in the near future; I consider the possibility to be rather low at that point. The number of volunteers will most likely exceed the number of soldiers that are actually needed.

This whole story reminded me of this British ship. It lay at anker in the close harbor, and flushed a good number of Marine soldiers into the city not too long ago. It's something that rarely happens since the ocean is still quite a ride away, but it seems as if they visited this town for business reasons. Therefore, around the afternoon on July 20th, an English Marine visited my store. He was a particularly tall guy who wore his dress uniform, and had blonde hair with blue eyes - and not to mention, he was as stiff as a poker. Furthermore, he was quite full of himself, and searching about for some souvenirs to take home to his family and friends. He started a conversation with Farlan about him and how some other Marines were meeting in the evening for a drink. Erwin bought himself one pound of tea (a mix of Darjeeling First Flush and Fancy Oolong, labled: Diplomats tea). He introduced himself as Commander Erwin Smith, and invited us for the evening, but I didn't want to go. I wasn't too sure what to think of that guy. I don't know why, but Farlan and Isabel had already fallen in love with him then. There was no way they would leave me at home.

We ended up in a small pub close to the docks, where I met Smith and some other acquantainces of him. Some ladylike kind of man, Hanji Zoe, and a guy about two meters named Mike Zacharius - he's not so much into talking, I guess, because he hardly spoke with anyone. Smith turned out to be a generous guy, and insisted to invite me for drinks. Well, well. The conversation was rather nice and I somehow managed to shirk myself from dancing with the girls. That calm and self confident attitude of this English guy was fairly convenient as well. Smith, who asked for my business card, disbanded us around midnight. It was an interesting experience, but nothing I am required to do much more often. Farlan and Isabel hardly spoke about anything else for the following days. Especially knowing that those individuals will be called up to fight against Germany sooner or later. It's kind of an unfamiliar feeling.

\- Levi


	2. Letter from Erwin Smith to Levi Ackerman. London, august 1st, 1914

London, august 1st, 1914

Monsieur Ackerman,

first and foremost, I would like to thank you for this marvellous evening and your lovely business card. You might excuse my sincere and open interest in you, though I always kept you in my mind since that enjoyable night.

The tea I bought in your store is a personal gain every morning, since its aroma reminds me of the lovely odour I noticed there. Nevertheless, I forgot to ask, what kind of tea might me the sort you prefer yourself? Your store is such a nice and cheerful place, and then there is all this energetic support of your clerks and friends.

Are there chances to enthuse a person with such an time-consuming life-task for the joys of travelling abroad? Are there other places than Paris you have already been to? With this fine selection of tea and coffee, it is easy for me to imagine you in a far away, distant country, savouring the offered goods before deciding which products will be included in your stores range.

Furthermore, the fact, that you avoided to dance during the whole evening so vehemently enlightened my tremendous interest. How does it come? Is there any distaste in dancing itself, or was it only to that kind of music? If you don't find distraction in that kind of amusement, in which ways do you spend your time instead?

Your answer is highly appreciated.

Sincerely,  
Erwin Smith


	3. Letter from Levi Ackerman to Erwin Smith. Paris, august 16th, 1914

Paris, august 16th 1914

Mr. Smith,

I hope my letter will be delivered. According to the newspaper articles they already started to ship British troops to France. Since you’re a sailor of the Royal Navy, I’m quite confident though.

It is almost eight o’clock in the evening; I closed my store half an hour ago and was about to take care of the book keeping as I laid my eyes on your letter that arrived this morning. Now I find myself writing on that counter where you bought that pound of Diplomats Tea back then. During the past week we found ourselves trapped by inevitable, humid heat, but a thunderstorm that occurs right now brings the temperatures down to a bearable extent.

Nevertheless I don’t have much time to spare, so let me deal with your questions right away, though the amount of curiosity coming from your side was more impudent than appropriate. These persons you considered to be my clerks are Farlan and Isabel. I know them for almost my whole life and consider them to be closer than any blood relative could be. The store belongs to us even-handedly, yet I’m the general owner, so to speak. Above all we employ two temporaries, who you might have missed on your visit in July. Armin and Eren. Both just turned eighteen. They might graduate from grammar school next summer and are, excuse my french, some giant scallywags – at least Eren, but he never hesitates to drag Armin into his mess. This store forms our home and it took enough effort and deprivation until we could afford it.

In terms of travelling I have to disappoint you I guess. I was born and raised in Reims, yet we rapidly ended up in Paris. There was no reason for me to leave this town and the business usually keeps me busy as well. However, you, as a sailor might have travelled the whole world for sure. Can you remember the place with the farthest distance from your hometown you once had to go to, Mr. Smith?

Dancing is definitely disliked, probably because I never met a girl that let it appear anything but boring and uninteresting. In contrast to the ordinary sailor, philandering is none of my business. A handsome pansy like you sure gets away with everything, I guess. Can you even handle all those girls that wish to be under you patronage, Mr. Smith? Mr. Zacharius might be the same. For my share, I prefer it cosy and calm. I spend my days off usually with a cup of tea and a good book in front of my chimney. My state of health hardly allows anything above, however, this is nothing of your interest yet.

To be honest, the political development of the past weeks leaves me in distress. After Germanys and Austria-Hungarys declarations of war it’s hard to believe that the dust will settle down in the near future. The German troops already invaded Belgium as you might know, and even though I didn’t considered it to be possible – the youthful enthusiasm over the approaching war is still unbroken. Those people are nothing more than naive fools in my eyes, too green to know what might come. They’re already decoying the youngsters in university and grammar school. They want them to volunteer for a war they have nothing to do with. But I wander from the subject.

Mr. Zacharius and you looked like you’ve been friends for quite a while. A life at sea is more interesting than my life in retail anyway. Well then, amuse me and tell me some droll stories from your countless adventures you endured on the high seas. It just can’t be that this ‘yarn’ everybody’s talking about is a lie. In the meantime, I will take care of my book keeping if you don’t mind. Not as if it was of any interest for me if you would.

Don’t let me wait, Mr. Smith.

\- Levi


	4. Letter from Erwin Smith to Levi Ackerman. Calais, august 30th 1914

Calais, august 30th 1914

Monsieur Ackerman,

I received your letter, yet it took a while and I already considered it lost. Let me tell you I was very pleased about it, which is the reason I will answer you right away. Not only that I do not intend to keep you waiting, but also because it diverts my mind to other things. During the past days we had all our hands full. Our fellow comrades already arrived – as it was written in the newspapers you mentioned before – at the French mainland. Since the battle of Heligoland Bight, we were able to carry off our first victory over the German Navy. We made prisoners, and have some of them on board with us, but most of the time they keep still.

Since I had the chance to meet not only your clerks, but your friends, I am much more obliged to get to know this fragment of your life and your personality. Or shall I say: Your family?

The place with the farthest distance from my hometown might has been Australia ten years ago, though I feel sorry that our stay failed briefly. The torrid heat cannot be compared with any other climate. The French summer you experience in Paris is much more comfortable.

According to the dancing, I dare say you are right. To be asked for a dance is an offer I refuse only in certain cases. Being in company with such an interesting dialogue partner might be such a case. Especially if this person replies the interest I demonstrated before.

The name I usually call my friend Mr. Zacharius by is ‘Mike’. We grew up in the same neighbourhood, went to the same school, graduated in the same year and even joined the Navy together.

I am deeply sorry, since I cannot offer you the sailor’s yarn you longed to hear, but I can tell you an anecdote from Mikes and my early years as a sailor, which hopefully will satisfy you. I still do not know what beguiled us into this whole issue, but without doubt alcohol formed an important consideration. In other words: We had one over the eight.

It took place in front of the Australian coast. We… borrowed one of the jolly boats and finally ended up in the thick, dirty sump, far away from our ship and our men. There, we caught a crocodile with our combined strength and laced up its big, ugly mouth with our belts. We returned safely, accompanied by the crocodile which was now our prisoner, and placed the poor animal in the cabin of our instructor. It goes without saying that we removed our belts before doing so. When I remember those days…   
I hardly had those kinds of silly things in my mind, though.

Thinking about the recruiting of volunteers for the French army, ‘decoy’ might not be the correct term. The rapid advance of the hostile troops forces your government to act this way. Reading your letter, I started to wonder why your country can’t count on your strength as well.

Your answer is highly appreciated.

Erwin Smith


	5. Letter from Levi Ackerman to Erwin Smith. Paris, september 10th 1914

Paris, September 10th 1914

Mr. Smith,

Isabel handed me this letter set, because it reminded her of you. She said it would create a better mood, so I will use it from now on.

With concern I realised that England already inserted you for this war. Since you’re a member of the Navy I hoped you would have had more time, but I guess I was wrong. Did they send Zacharius and Zoe with you? Do they supply you with rations properly? If there is anything you need, let me know and I will see what I can do for you guys.

Have you heard about the approach of the German troops in Belgium? They say they massacred the civilians in Dinant and levelled Leuven to the ground. Belgium used to be an impartial state. I don’t even have words for this. This is just disgusting.

Moreover the enemy is getting closer and closer. They keep fighting 60 kilometres from Paris. You can’t hear or see anything yet, but our good-for-nothing government flew the coop and moved to Bordeaux. After what we heard from Belgium we’re worried what’s going to happen. What shall we do if they invade Paris? We’re depending on this tea shop, it’s all we have. We can’t leave. It remains to be hoped that our troops will drub those Germans back where they came from. If not… I don’t know.

You ask me why my government can’t count on me, Smith? I call it a realistic appraisal of the situation. Plus, I’m not tired of life, you know? Isabel is almost a child, shall she take care of the shop all alone? Besides, my health just won’t allow it. I can’t join up right now. Looks like you have to take care of this for me, Smith.

The efforts considering the recruiting of young people around here intensified during the past weeks. Farlan thinks it would be better to just let the kings and presidents fight against each other, person by person. Just hand them a gun and here we go. Deep inside I agree with him. It’s good to know that not everyone here went nuts. I wish I could say the same for Eren and Armin, but I can’t. Eren volunteered two weeks ago and Armin, who always mimicries him, did they same. I properly gave them a piece of my mind, but it didn’t change a thing. One week ago they left. Erens mother Carla was in tears and Armins grandfather was close enough. The basic training will take about ten weeks, so they will join the regular troops in the end of this year. I’m not worried that much about Eren. He’s stubborn, and when things get difficult, he struggles along somehow. In contrast to him, Armin is a weakling. He’s not a coward, but too clever to make a good soldier. Let’s hope they will come home one day.

That’s probably not the cheerful letter you were hoping to get, huh? What happened to your instructor in Australia after you put that crocodile into his cabin? Was he devoured? You are some fine comrade, Smith.

I need to go, Farlan is calling. He left earlier to buy a gramophone and now he’s dragging it into the parlour.

Take care of yourself.

Levi

 

P.S.: Did you have a gramophone on your ship? It’s not that bad. Isabel got some opera records and is in high spirits right now. I need to make them stop, it’s past eight and the walls of our flat are as thin as paper.


	6. Letter from Erwin Smith to Levi Ackerman. Calais, september 26th 1914

Calais, September 26th 1914

Monsieur Ackerman,

Although I highly appreciate the fact that your thoughts are with me, there is no need to be worried. We are in outstanding position right now. Mr. Zacharius as well as Mr. Zoe keep me company. Nevertheless, please don’t ask for the quality of our meals. Who once got spoiled by the delicious taste of the French cuisine is lost forever. Although we are not facing hunger, the meals are remarkably lacking of flavour and taste. At least I can assure you the following: If I cannot bear this diet any longer one day, Paris will be my first choice.

Yes, I did indeed read about the fights in Belgium. I wish those were the only battles that were fought, but there is nothing in my power yet to change things. You described the currently prevailing state quite precisely. What the civilian population had to endure during the past weeks is so deeply wrong I can hardly stand it. You must not worry about a possible invasion of the German troops. As long as we are here, our units will form a strong support. Do not lose hope.

If it is appropriate to call someone who wants to defend those he loves ‘weary of life’ is something I will leave up to you. It sure is a decision that needs to be done by oneself and your duty of care towards the dear Isabel is comprehensible. I hope you will be able to take care of her for a long time.

It seems like Farlan has a fertile imagination when it comes to kings and lords who fight at the front. The soldiers are already happy if they can fight side by side with their superiors. Many of them seem to hide in the far away distance, in the gun emplacements and shelters. How many mothers mourn their sons by now I am not able to imagine. But: The basic training might be harsh and cruel, but it is worth a lot. The boys are prepared quite well, so to say.

It is hard for me, and I have to admit this, to imagine myself on the side of those who stay behind. Of those who worry about their loved ones. To live with this uncertainty must be terrible. To leave those people all by themselves, I am not sure if I could do this. Sometimes it might be better to wander alone.

When it comes to Mr. Arlert, also the bright minds are needed at the front. It will be hardly noticed during the everyday life, but whenever a soldier loses his mind during the battle, someone who keeps a clear head is highly regarded. Those two boys appear to me as a prefect symbiosis.

Monsieur Ackerman, your letters brighten me up in all intents and purposes. Even the idea of the gramophone I left in my apartment in London lifts the spirits, even though I have to confess, that I did not even buy one record by myself. I inherited my parent’s collection once. There is no gramophone on this ship, though.

Nothing happened to the instructor. It did not change a thing and he continued his work. You should tell me some amusing story from earlier days. Something you are able to laugh about now. It might distract you from the current developments.

Yours sincerely,  
Erwin Smith

P.S.: Pardon my impertinences, but would you may tell me what kind of deficiency holds you from participating in this war?


	7. Letter from Eren Jaeger to Levi Ackerman. Lyon, september 28th 1914

Lyon, September 28th 1914  
  
Cher Levi,  
  
Je suis désolé de ne pas vous avoir écrit depuis notre depart. Our days are pretty full and we’re so tired out in the evening that the only thing I can force myself to is to go to bed right away.  
  
We’ve been training for three weeks now and there are seven left to go. The meals are rich and good, our clothes, beds and bodies are in perfect shape. They know how to keep us busy here. Stupid routine, day by day, that leaves you dumb and dizzy. The instructors are quite okay so far, but some of them are proper oppressors. They let us march lock-step, by day and night, in every weather condition possible, always with full baggage. It’s not easy for Armin to keep up, but we stick together and help each other out. Most of our classmates are nice fellows, but unfortunately, none of those share a room with us. There is one especially nameable guy amongst them who I absolutely dislike. It’s a guy named Jean-Pierre Cerise. He owns the bunk bed above my, has the face of a horse and is so full of himself, that I definitely will shut his cheeky mouth one day with my bare hands. During the field exercises I can usually manage it to avoid him, though. I can’t even remember how often I crawled in the mud during the past couple of weeks. Every day is the same. Not much to tell. I’m waiting for the day things are getting serious.  
  
It seems like things in Paris got pretty rough? Letters as well as newspapers kept us up to date here. Please take care of yourself.  
  
Écrivez-moi vite s’il vous plait.  
  
Tendrement,  
Eren


	8. Letter from Levi Ackerman to Erwin Smith. Paris, november 11th 1914

Paris, november 11th 1914

Mr. Smith,

you will forgive me for I have made you wait for so long. I found myself confined to my bed for the past two weeks, and therefore, I had to do without any physical activities.

You asked me which circumstances prevent me from joining the army and I will enlighten you now, for I have nothing better to do. I suffer from a weak heart. Not from my early days on, but the years I spent on the streets of France didn’t fail to leave a mark on me. It began one or two years after we opened the shop and it will accompany me for the rest of my life. Most of the time, I’m perfectly well though. But there are periods, where I can hardly breath - then I spend my days in bed and am without use for nobody. If this happens, Isabel and Farlan take care of the shop until I’m better. Knowing that, you might understand, that I wouldn’t be a big help at the front line with that poor health.

Attached to this letter I will send you a parcel of tea and chocolate, since you complained that much about the English army meals. I don’t want to let you starve. Your letters were the only thing that could cheer me up when I found myself caught in my room. Then I imagined you standing on the deck of your ship, the salty air playing with your hair, and I started to envy you in secret, to be honest. I think for everyone who is involved into this war, being a member of the navy might be the safest thing at the moment.

Eren finally sent me a letter. It looks like he was able to assimilate into the group of his comrades. Two weeks left and he will be send to the front. I used to be a little worried at the beginning, but I calmed down recently. If there is one person who can deal with this, then it’s this pig-headed boy.

You’re kind of right, Farlan really owns a bright spirit. He is lively and loud, but his heart is in the right place. He is a loyal bastard, if you want to say so. He’s the one who sends a doctor, when I don’t consider it necessary, and in the end, he’s usually right. Since the gramophone arrived, he really calmed down. He used to be so angry about the government and the war, and constantly told me that he saw it coming. Now he is sitting next to me in the living room and maintains me with music while I write this letter to you. It seems like normality is returning to Paris, and I’m fine with this.

Now that I recovered, we plan to go to the music hall next weekend and enjoy the cabaret or something similar. Let’s see what kind of tickets I will be able to get for us.

Don’t let me wait too long, Smith.

\- Levi


	9. Letter from Erwin Smith to Levi Ackerman. Soissons, november 27th 1914

Soissons, november 27th 1914

Monsieur Ackerman,

I have to confess that I had to begin this letter twice, until I was so satisfied that I could send it to you. I was in agony, since I was not sure whether I should address this words to you, but you wrote in such an open and wholehearted manner, that I cannot help myself. There was something inside of my heart, that made me hesitate to write you without extenuation, how I am and what keeps me busy.  
In the beginning of October, I could achieve my transfer to the western front. I could not bear it to be on this ship any longer. They did let me join the infantry, and right now I am positioned close to the river Marne. Mr. Zacharius and Mr. Zoe followed me. The silence on the ship, the strain of the others, the quiet before the storm became unbearable and we are needed at the front line. It is horrible how the youngsters, not boys anymore, not yet grown men, die like flies in front of my eyes.

Furthermore, my entry as commander of the royal navy turned out to be much more difficult than expected. They graded me to the rank of a colonel, but the morals of my troops were hostile from the beginning.

Fighting here is so different from standing on the bridge and just giving orders to subordinates. Lying in the dirt, side by side with the others feels, despite the horrors, better than being condemned to idleness.

It might be that I fell in love with the charming arrogance of the Frenchmen. It is everywhere, hard to get, but to notice with every conversation I have. Though I have to admit that those people are, in contrary to my expectations, rather pleasant-natured fellows. I was afraid they could have lacked of persuasion and discipline, but I was wrong. In spite of the initial problems we had, the cooperation between my subordinates and me improves day by day, since we faced our third battle. It seems like their lives are more precious to them than a embarrassing power struggle with the Anglais suffisant, how they use to call me in secret. My subordinates seem to realize, that the survival rate under my command is above average and they could hardly be better off. 

The meals here are better than those I had on the ship. Nevertheless, there is nothing I enjoy more than the chocolate you sent me - if I desist from the joy that kissing your lips brings me. Remembering this safes me. It makes me able to bear all this and lets me hope, that I might be able to see you again soon.

With your past letter you tore my walls. I am so taken with you. What you accomplished makes you a remarkable human being. How you could save yourself, how you must have fought to escape the streets.

Let us not stop to fight for your life. Together. Please believe me, I will find a way to return to Paris, so I can finally meet you again.

Yours,  
Erwin


	10. Letter from Levi Ackerman to Erwin Smith. Paris, december 19th 1914

Paris, december 19th 1914

Mr. Smith,

I received your letter only a couple of minutes ago and even if I usually let a few days pass before I write down an answer, I have to do it right away. The news about your transfer to the front leaves me speechless. I understand the reasons for your actions, though I can’t comprehend how you can bring yourself in such a dangerous situation by choice. Even the most capable men have no influence over their own luck, and in the end, it’s nothing but luck or bad luck itself that decides over life and death. From this day on, I will have to begin every morning with the question whether you are not already laying face-down in the mud, and I hope that this presumption won’t turn out to be true one day.  
As if it wasn’t enough that similar thoughts already accompany me when it comes to Eren and Armin. They are fighting for three weeks now, but I didn’t receive any good or bad news from them. I will ask Carla if she knows more. You write that the young men drop like flies...

You will understand that I don’t have no clue what’s the difference between a colonel and a commander, so it’s up to you to illuminate me. The negative reactions of the French soldiers might be a pity, certainly with your charm it won’t take long until you twisted the most pigheaded fellow around your finger. If the rate of survival will speak for you, your popularity will increase for sure. 

There is nothing to be that much excited about, Mr. Smith. It’s not a destiny I’ve chosen myself, yet I did what appeared to me to be the most self-evident. You would have done the same offhand. According to this, I would prefer you to fight for your own life instead of mine. I don’t want you to visit me in a wooden coffin, Smith.

Thinking about it, it seems, as if this one evening in august, when you invited us to join you, was one of the last unburdened nights before the outbreak of this war. Hope remains that we will be able to make it through this without any harm and that the government lets us live our lives as we choose them. At least here, in Paris.

When Farlan isn’t with me, I remember you pushing me against the wall among the shadows of that drinking hole, pecking me slightly before stealing a kiss from me. Then I can still feel you on my lips and wish you’d be here. Those are thoughts that won’t let me rest, since Farlan doesn’t deserve it to be treated in such a dreadful manner. And yet... I can’t help myself but think about you.

Come to Paris, if your time allows it. But promise me that you will act discrete. I can’t let him know.

Take care of yourself. Stay healthy. I expect your answer as soon as possible.

\- Levi


	11. Letter from Eren Jaeger to Levi Ackerman. December 17th 1914

 

December 17th, 1914

Cher Levi,

please forgive me for putting you on the rack for such a long time. Certainly you were worried about me, and I told Maman, that she shall keep you informed, since I’ve been too tired to answer my letters properly recently. I just fall asleep over the stuff I wrote. In this never ending noisiness it’s way too hard to clear my mind, yet find enough sleep.

The very few weeks we lived through here at the front line are enough for a human life. The few meters of land we use to capture day by day are taken away from us again by the Germans before dawn. We entrench ourselves in the dugouts and wait for an opportune moment, the rifles in our arms, ready to go. The battering grenades won’t let us sleep. Cold and moisture put us over the edge.

My heart starts to ache whenever I think of the possibility that Armin or I could be harmed. Our trainee corps is not complete anymore. It’s been only three weeks. I think I wrote something about that guy, Jean-Pierre Cerise in my past letter to you. Whenever I met him, he was with a young fellow named Marco. A nice, calm boy with freckles, the same age as me. He stood too close when a German projectile hit our shelter and was scattered across the surrounding comrades; he didn’t stand the slightest chance. We found ourselves unable to gather more than half of him. Cerise was so shocked, since, as far as I know, they were in the middle of a conversation. He stared into space and almost got shot by a sniper. It was Armin who pulled him apart before the worst could happen.

I’ve seen the face of death, Sire. If only Armin could deal better with all of this. He used to cry a lot when we arrived here, but the longer we stay, the more and more he falls silent. I don’t know whether this is a good development or not, and it’s distressing me. When he finally gets used to all of this, that will do. He will be better off then. Do you think human beings can get used to the war? To all those people dying next to us? To the cries of the wounded?

He has to acclimatize, otherwise he will be killed for sure like our sergeant, who pipped out only a couple of days after we arrived here. Since then an English colonel commands us temporarily, additional to his own troops. He is stiff as a poker, and so we use to call him Anglais suffisante behind his back. He does his job well, though. Who wants to survive is better off with him. And we want to live. It’s all I can think of. I want to live. And I want Armin to be alive.

I hope your Christmas will be a calm, wonderful one, and your birthday as well. I’m sorry that I couldn’t send you anything, but we’re quite short here as well. Please give my regards to Farlan and Isabel, like I send you the best regards from Armin in return.

We will meet again soon, I’m sure. Please take care of yourself!

Tendrement,  
Eren


	12. Letter from Levi Ackerman to Erwin Smith. Paris, December 25th 1914

 

Paris, December 25th 1914

Mr. Smith,

it might be your turn, but I can’t help myself but to write some lines to you. The past few days were wearing, and there is nobody I can entrust myself. I must not show any weaknesses towards Farlan and Isabel. Not now.  
It might be better to throw this letter into the fire of my chimney, as soon as I finished writing. You indeed have enough problems on your own and I don’t want to cause you any further. But still, right now I don’t wish for anything more than you being around, so you can grab my shoulders and assure me that everything will change for the better before this year ends. Only four months after this war has begun, the life I once knew appears to vanish, and there is nothing I can do about it.

On December 15th, five days after your letter arrived, I entered the parlor, carrying today’s mail in my hand. I found Isabel knitting while Farlan read the newspaper. Two letters had arrived and Farlan asked me to open and read them. Before I knew it, a bad feeling left me trembling. And with every syllable I read, the words progressively stuck in my throat. The letter I was holding in my hands... was my induction order. The second writing was addressed to Farlan and contained the same information. We couldn’t believe it and stared at each other, not able to say a single word, until Farlan unwittingly crumpled the paper. “They can’t send you to this war, Levi”, he said. “Not with that heart of yours.” It was the moment Isabel burst into tears and rushed to her room. I followed. It took a while, until I could calm her down. I had to promise her to do everything I could to make Farlan stay. She was beside herself. On December 20th we attended the medical examination; for sure you know this procedure. It won’t surprise you that I was rejected as unfit, but Farlan was classified fully suitable. On our way back nobody spoke a single word. And as we arrived at home, Isabel understood immediately. She wrapped her arms around us, desperate and helpless. For a long time we stood there, still, until Farlan couldn’t bear it any longer and disappeared into his room. It was one of the saddest days in the life that we shared for so many years. Until now I somehow managed it to hide my feelings. In two days Farlan will abandon us. His bags are already packed. Nobody of us expected this war to reach us so soon. Maybe back in September, when the German troops were standing close to Paris, but not now. Isabel is acting weepy. Sometimes she leaves the parlor, and I can see her eyes sparkling with tears. Farlan is at the end of his tether. He spends most of his time in front of the gramophone and listens to the records, over and over, knowing, that the sound of the music will soon be replaced by the thunder of grenades. I want to tell him that everything will be alright, but I can’t. I can’t even look him in the eye, while he must go and I have to stay. I have no right to comfort him.

I hope that your Christmas will be better than mine. That the fights will stop and the soldiers will find peace, even if it’s only for a couple of hours. That you will receive mail from your loved ones. That you can get what you’re longing for.

Have I ever told you that my birthday is on December 25th? People say that one should spend his birthday in the family and make it a special occasion. Therefore I will send you the one or the other, which you might share with your fellow comrades. It will arrive way too late, but who cares about that anyway. I take the liberty of enclosing a photography of myself, for that you won’t forget me. Who knows when we will be able to meet again.

Whatever you’re up to do, take care. If not for your sake, then do it for mine. Forgive me for I have imposed you my worries, where you have enough own stuff to deal with. It will be the first and the last time. From now on I will send you nothing but cheerful thoughts.

Don’t let me wait too long. Answer me as soon as possible.

\- Levi

 


	13. Letter from Erwin Smith to Levi Ackerman. At the river Marne, December 31th 1914

 

At the river Marne, December 31th 1914

Levi,

I barely managed it to read your second last letter before I was called to the front line thanks to strong bombardment. It happened too fast as if I could have managed it to answer you beforehand. Neither you would have been able to read my writing, nor it would have made any sense.

I am incredibly sorry if I have caused you any grief due to my transfer to the western front. I want you to understand my intentions, so let me explain everything to you. To be of any use is my highest goal. I can only be satisfied if I find myself able to interfere. I need to deal with those kind of things. Call it an occupational disease, but I cannot help myself. I need to do this.

Your past letter left me shocked. You suffer from a weak heart and the induction order of your friend. If ‘friend’ is the matching term for this relation - excuse me.

The fire trench brings us back down to earth. We learned to appreciate what you have. My highest good, to be honest, are your letters. I do not know what I would do without them.

Christmas was indeed very peaceful. For two days straight the fire was ceased. Since you remain in vigilance no one of us could find any real rest. Do not worry about me, though. It might sound presumptuous, but I am good in what I am doing. I have achieved a lot by now. And in the end, this is what counts. France will be defended successfully and the advancement of the German troops will be defeated.  
Coming to this I have to mention that Mr. Zacharius and I used to be enthusiastic rugby players from our early days on. Never before this sport gave us an edge as in this positional warfare.

Hopefully, I will at least be able to relieve one of your concerns. If the second name of Eren is ‘Jaeger’ and the one of Armin is ‘Alert’ - they are under my command.

Do not forget: If things could not be worse, they can only get better. Over the past weeks motivated young men arrived here continually. Everyone of them fights for his freedom and his very own life. The low moral I had to experience in the beginning can hardly be found anymore. As long as my men trust me enough to follow my orders, I am relieved.

To answer your question: The difference between a colonel and a commander is that the first commands onshore, while the second commands at sea. It is not a matter of course that I could keep my rank, although I am confident to be promoted in a not too distant future, if things continue this way.

Thank you very much for the photography, Levi. To be able to look at you again lets my heart beat faster. It reminds me of this one night that you are not able to forget as well. Of the way you furrowed your brows when you lifted your head and looked up to me, which made you look even more critical and severe.

Levi, please - don’t get discouraged. I ask you to place your trust in me, now and furthermore. Your frankness towards me is a pleasure I do not want to miss. Do not stop to share your sorrows with me. I will answer you as soon as possible.

I want you to know you in best mood and health. Otherwise I might devote myself to distress and finally integrate myself amongst the other commanders. I do not want to give them the English oppressor they expect.

I will keep you in my thoughts.  
Erwin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> I just noticed I haven't attached any comments by now. There was a chapter that was only available as draft by now, since I forgot to post it (yeah... I just forgot). It's chapter 9 and contains a letter from Eren to Levi.
> 
> It seems like things are getting rougher and rougher. And the war has hardly begun. I wonder how 1915 will turn out - though my co-author and I already now.
> 
> As you guys might now, you can find me at Tumblr and Twitter as well. I would be happy to meet you there :>
> 
> Stay tuned!


	14. Letter from Levi Ackerman to Erwin Smith. Paris, January 14th 1915

 

Paris, January 14th 1915

 

Erwin,

thank you for your previous letter. It could finally chase away the fears that hunted me for the past few weeks. Now, where Farlan is gone, everything settled down and an unnamed silence fills our house and shop. It’s a silence that we’re all in need of after all those things that happened around Christmas. And yet - whenever the mailman enters my shop my heart stops beating for a second, frightened what bad news today’s mail might bring.

Since Eren and Armin are under your care I know at least that they’re in good hands. To be honest: As I read those words I smiled despite myself. In his letters, Eren used to mention a blonde, English soldier that should overtake their troop temporarily - it appears as if their commander was killed earlier. I already guessed it could be you, but didn’t feel certain. Doubtlessly you won’t be the only blonde Englishman at the frontline. Eren seems to think very highly of you, though. Who wants to live shall stick to you is what he wrote.

It is good to hear that the fire was ceased even though it was only for a couple of days. According to the papers, enemy forces and our troops fraternized here and there during Christmas. Apparently the war couldn’t wipe out the last bits of humanness from the soldier’s hearts.

You will probably have heard that the Germans sank a ship of the Royal Navy with a submarine. I hope it wasn’t the ship you served at before - or that you were acquainted with the crew.

Whenever I look out of the window, all I can see are white, sugar-coated streets. It’s been snowing here for days. I can’t stop thinking of you out there in the mud and hope that you will manage it somehow to keep yourself warm and safe. With this cold I can hardly imagine a place more uncomfortable than the trenches. When you show up here one day, feel free to use my bathroom as long as you like. It may not be roomy but the bathtub will be good enough and the water will heat you up again. Since I won’t tolerate any stinky soldiers in my house, you may give this a try.

Anyway... if you were here, I would place you in front of my fire place, with a fresh cup of tea, wrapped in blankets. And I wouldn’t let you go back to the front until you had fully recovered. There are quite a lot of things I would like to do with you.

I was thinking - you’re positioned hardly 60 kilometers away from me. Even you soldiers must have a day off from time to time, I guess. And in a safe distance from the front, in one of the surrounding towns, there certainly will be a way to kill time together.

 

Take care of yourself.

 

-Levi


	15. Letter from Levi Ackerman to Eren Jaeger. Paris, January 15th 1915

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my very generous readers stated, that it's possible to attach pictures to chapters! I didn't exptected this, so from now on, you will get the images of the letters as well. ♥ Thank you very much for reading - I hope you will enjoy the next letter.

Paris, January 15th 1915

Eren,

your letter arrived around Christmas, yet the past weeks were so exhausting that I couldn’t answer you earlier. Did your mother keep you up to date? In the middle of December, Farlan and I received our draft orders. They rejected me as unfit but kept Farlan instead. On December 27th he left our house and I haven’t heard anything from him since then. You can imagine that our Christmas was not as comfortable and calm as we wished it to be - until now, everything has calmed down though. Since Farlan, Armin and you are gone, I’m currently looking for new employees to help me in the shop. Right now Isabel and I keep the shop running with only the two of us; don’t ask for my current working hours. I’m grateful when I can get my eight hours of sleep every night. But I’m in good health, so don’t rack your brain.

You will laugh - the colonel you mentioned before is an acquaintance of mine. Do you remember your day off in August? You wanted to spend it with Armin at the beach - the weather was so good. On that afternoon he walked into the shop, picked up a conversation with us - and in the end we spent the evening with him. Now you’re all stationed close to the river Marne and I’m here. I feel kind of useless - in Paris there are barely any men in my age left.

I don’t know if people can get used to war. Probably not. It’s nothing someone should get used to, even if it’s the only bearable way to deal with all this. Hang in there. And don’t let it get you down. As far as I know Armin he needs your strong shoulder. How is he, anyway? And how are you?

Looks like Jean got his fair share. Do yourself a favor and stay away from him - but if he comes at you, don’t hold back.

I will come to an end now; it’s already past ten and I want to take care of the bookkeeping before I open the shop tomorrow morning. Don’t bring any shame upon Smith (and me!) and make sure that you will return home soon and safe.

If there’s anything you need, let me know.

 

\- Levi


	16. Letter from Farlan Eglise to Levi Ackerman. January 14th, 1915

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farlan's first letter from the trainee camp.

* * *

 

 

January 14th, 1915

 

Mon chéri Levi,

 

I've been missing you from the first day on. Leaving you was painful and with every further mile the train brought between us, I realized more and more what it would mean to be separated from you. I acted so cold and severe during the days before I left you. Forgive me.

I wish I could have run away. I had done it, but we all know they would have found and punished me as a deserter. How could I risk a future I want to spend with you so light-heartedly? If we have one – if I survive this war.

It will take ages until I will have a day off, until I can meet you again... and lose myself in those arms of yours.

I hope I will be able to return as the man you once fell in love with. It's said that war changes people, right?

The barracks we have to stay at are cold and drafty. The food is... a pain in the ass, to be honest. It's probably only a matter of time until I will catch my first cold here.

 

Take care of yourself and of Isabel.

Je t'aime et tu me manques.

 

Farlan

 


	17. Letter from Levi Ackerman to Farlan Eglise. January 28th, 1915

* * *

 

Paris, January 28th 1915

 

Farlan,

 

when I will send you those lines, your basic training is already halfway done. Eren mentioned once that it's worth its effort and Erwin, the English soldier who invited us for dancing last summer, agreed with him. By accident it turned out that Eren is under his command.

I hope you could finally get used to everything – and that any colds and flus spared you. They really are a pain in the ass and nothing you ought to deal with while you prepare yourself for the battle.

The war will change every last one of us. Wether it's the people at home or in the trenches... We're already not the same we used to be last summer. So many things have changed.

I'm not angry at you. I wouldn't have acted any different in your place. So many things swirled through our minds. And that you were picked while they sorted me out is just not fair.

Let's hope they will end all of this as soon as possible – like they said back in september. This shop's way too empty without you.

 

Take care.

\- Levi

 

 


	18. Extract of the diary of Levi Ackerman

 

* * *

 

Paris, 29th of January 1915

 

I should sleep; but they really do exist, those nights where endless thoughts hunt my mind so I can’t keep my eyes shut. The watch on my sideboard shows 3:35 in the morning and the alarm will ring at 8. The fact that I will have to spend the whole day in the shop with that lacking amount of sleep already leaves me sullen. Still, there are enough things I’m racking my brains about and I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know.

Due to the war, the trade agreements we’ve always profited from are gone. Since most of our goods are imported we’re the first to experience the negative impact. The prices for tea and coffee are rising. I don’t want to be pessimistic, but I think it may be better to wait until things settled down before I hire new part timers. Even though I can hardly hide my lack of sleep anymore and breathing became somewhat harder than usual during the past weeks.

Now where Farlan’s gone, I’m in charge of the business and I better won’t screw up. I’m not allowed to make any mistakes – or even ruin the shop, while he’s out there and fighting for us. He relies on me and I’m not willing to disappoint him.

Isabel could hardly stand his departure. She’s not sleeping well, wakes up in the middle of the night, sometimes crying out so loud that I wake up as well. She dreams the most horrible things and there’s nothing I can do to comfort here, since I see the same pictures at night. She has been through too much with her sixteen years to lose someone she loves, again. I try to take care of here. I really try. Feeling so help- and powerless is the worst thing of all. When we lived on the streets at least I knew how to settle things. But now I’m doomed to inaction while everyone around me is suffering.

_Do I want to know what the next months and years will bring?_

Nobody believes anymore that this war’s going to be over soon. The newspapers write articles about what they call a static warfare. It’s a war without remarkable achievements, therefore with incredibly high losses on both sides. Countless, anonymous, industrialized murder. I want to throw up only thinking about that.

What should I do if something happens to them?

The boys.

Farlan.

 _Erwin_.

According to what’s on my mind, I should feel ashamed even writing their names next to each other.

Farlan… Farlan. When I think about it, it appears ridiculously surreal to me. We’ve been together for so long I didn’t even remember how being without him would feel like. If I had asked myself last summer whether he’s the love of my life, I might have said yes. In a strange, unconventional way, but somehow it worked out with us. How often we went through hell for each other I can’t even say for sure anymore. How often did his care for me avoid that I overdid myself in my condition? How often has he paid my medical bills, especially back then, before we opened the shop? Without him I wouldn’t be here anymore, that’s for sure. And all it took was one night in the company of that damn Englishman before everything turned upside down. I can’t blame him, though. How should he have known about Farlan and me, as he pressed me against the walls in the shadow of that dive, stealing a kiss? It’s not even like I tried to fight him. One enforced kiss was enough that everything I took for granted has been shaken. I wish I could forget about it. I wish I could forget about him. Could forget about those shitty blue eyes, his exaggerated self-confident manner, his god damn after shave. The following week I wasn’t able to find sleep, staring at the ceiling in excitement, while Farlan rested next to me, not knowing that it was me who betrayed him. It might have been Erwin how initiated the kiss, but it was me who was longing for it in silence.

Whenever the mailman enters the shop my heart starts beating faster. Whenever I notice a blonde Englishman in uniform I believe, for a second only, it could be Erwin.

_What a horrible, selfish person I am._

Farlan doesn’t deserve it to be treated this way. His letters are, even though he’s in such a dreadful situation, caring and loving as always. I should definitely […]

____

Isabel woke up again. She was remarkably upset this time and cried miserably. It took me half an hour until she calmed down, but she finally fell asleep again. I should do the same. It’s almost five in the morning. It’s not like I feel tired rather than I feel exhausted. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

 - Levi


	19. Letter from Eren Jaeger to Levi Ackerman. Marne, January 27th 1915

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greatest thanks to bear-tholdt @ tumblr, who was so kind to help us out with the drawing :>

* * *

 

 

Marne, January 27th 1915

 

Cher Levi,

 

what I am about to tell you is definitely worth to be part of an adventure novel. But be unconcerned for I am in good health – and so are the others as well.

You know, there has been a lot of snow at the front lines over the past days and weeks. Back in Paris I just couldn't get enough of that, but due to the constant moisture the trenches and battlefields turned into giant mud holes. It's cold, wet and our clothes are soiled from top to bottom. Commander Smith though always looks totally neat and sober, compared to us. There is the rumour the commander could secretly keep a bathtub in his quarters, that old snob.

Enough of that, I want to begin with my story. A couple of days ago we had a risky manoeuvrer. We came under German fire and had to beat a retreat as quick as possible. Commander Smith ordered Jean and me to drive the truck which would bring us out of that horrible situation. I would have done that without problem, if Jean, that damn idiot, wouldn't have tried to tell me how to do my job. He thinks he makes a great show of learning, but in fact he's mere average. He distracted me so much that I eventually ended up manoeuvring the truck into a deep mud hole, of which we couldn't get out. Here we were and the Germans sought to kill us with all their power. We were in great danger. The only thing that could give us shelter was the truck itself. We racked our brains to escape with our lives. I mean... Armin and commander Smith racked their brains, while I continued arguing with Jean. In the end, Armin found a solution for our problem. I actually didn't want to write it down, yet I'm going to tell you for the sake of completeness. Please don't think badly of Armin, for he's the kindest and friendliest of all persons around here. He suggested to place some of our fallen comrades close to the wheels, so they would finally find grip. Jean disagreed heavily and so did I. I never would have expected that Armin could act in such a... cold and calculating manner. But commander Smith decided to follow his plan after seconds of consideration. He said there is no need for us to die for the sake of the dead. We did as we were told and it worked.

It was a close call, but not the closest so far.

Levi, to be honest, I never feel so alive as when I've been to death's door and back. And the others might think the same. As we returned to the quarters, we felt as if electrified. Only Jean, that bastard, couldn't stop and tried to give Armin a telling-off because of the things that occurred before. You should have heard him. It was the point where I decided to shut his trap and give him a lesson he wouldn't forget so soon. I really don't know what Armin likes so much about him. Jean and I ended up fighting with our bare hands until commander Smith and lieutenant Zacharias finally stopped and separated us.

The consequence was that I got grounded without any justification. I'm not allowed to leave this room and I have to share it with Jean. He refuses to admit that this all happened because of him, which makes me so angry that I want to punch him again right away. It hasn't been my fault. Maybe you could mention me in your next letter to commander Smith and ask him to treat me a little kinder next time.

Since now I have more than enough time now I felt free to attach a drawing of mine. See, this is how I look like when I fight at the front lines for the freedom of France! I think I perform quite well.

 

Take care.

 

Sincerely yours, who has to sit here without a good reason,

Eren Jaeger

 

 

The hard working french grenadier:

  * helmet

  * backpack

  * uniform jacket

  * rifle

  * bayonet (important!)

  * combat boots




 

(that's me!)

 


	20. Letter from Erwin Smith to Levi Ackerman. Marne, January 28th 1915

* * *

 

Marne, January 28th 1915

 

Levi,

 

first of all I want to reassure you that my former crew hasn't been harmed by the german submarine. The news about the sea battle of the 1st of January has left me in doubt nevertheless. I questioned my decision to leave the marine and join the infantry probably every day during the past two weeks. The draw between the English and the Germans on sea fills me with deep sorrow. I can only calm down when I read through your letters, again and again, since I have them always at my fingertips. Especially what you wrote in your last letter is something I cannot forget. I'm delighted whenever I can read your words, see your handwriting, knowing, that you are in good health and that you are glad to receive my writing.

It must be cozy to watch the snow on the rooftops of Paris from a warm and comfortable flat. Due to the artillery fire the battlefields as well as the trenches have been destroyed almost completely. Neither is there green gras to be seen or white snow. Together they turned the ground into thick and heavy mud that soils our clothes and lets us shiver. A couple of days ago we had to experience in a rather unpleasant way that some of the mud holes are actually deeper than they appear on the first sight. The young Jaeger really managed it to get stuck with one of our trucks during the retreat from a risky manoeuvre. I hate to admit it, but we were close to death, Levi. Only by hair we escaped with our life and without losses.

If I had a guardian angel by now, I am quite sure he gave his life in my place. As if all of that wasn't enough, Jaeger's guardian angel might have been erased by Jean-Pierre Cerise when we returned to the quarters shortly after. Those two boys go for each other's throats on every possible occasion without any noteworthy reason. If I and Zacharias hadn't interrupted and separated them immediately, Jaeger would have to put his spoon in an empty, toothless mouth from now on. It appears as if he tends to overestimate his skills from time to time. I have to keep that in mind.

I would like to show you some gratitude if you have the kindness to send me another parcel of tea with your next letter. I am sure that, if I was with you, your fireplace and your gentle manner would be, in fact, what would spend me safety and warmth. Warmth that I am missing here so much. When we have a good day we can warm up our hands on the hot rifles – or burn them, if you don't take care of yourself. Except for this, it really is bitter cold here.

Levi, it fills me with longing to read that you want to come and visit me, but I must insistently beg you not to do so. The situation is rather unstable and I am anything but presentable. It might be that we have a day off from time to time – but usually we use those to recover and sleep. I spend the few hours of free time writing these lines to you. But you can take pity in my fate and write me, what you are doing in your spare free time. Or what you would like to do... with me. I am quite sure that your imagination is as fertile as mine.

 

Please, stay healthy.

Erwin

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is dedicated to my Patrons on Patreon.com :) If you want to join, feel free.


	21. Letter from Levi Ackerman to Eren Jaeger. Paris, Februar 7th 1915

 

 

 

* * *

 

Paris, February 7th 1915

 

Eren,

although it seems like the field postal service now somehow manages it to deliver the letters twice as fast as usual, I referred from answering you right away. As long as the drumfire didn't shooed the last bits of brain out of your pig-headed skull, you should be able to guess why.

It is good to hear that you managed it to escape that situation unharmed. Still, I'm less delighted to read what all of this already has done to Armin. Take good care of him, Eren. I'm honestly not bent on finding new employees once the war is over. I expect you back at the store once the last peace agreement has been signed. Whenever that may be.

I won't tell Commander Smith how to do his job. Apparently he is a man of high skills and I trust his decisions – and maybe you would be better off if you did the same. He didn't appear to me like a person who would bully his subordinates without reason and I know you quite too well to be aware of what happens if you lose your temper. I will never forget the costumer last year, who you recommended to “get his tea in another store, since he didn't know the first thing about the stuff we're selling here anyway”. You acted just as stubborn and undiscerning as when I gave you a piece of my mind back then.

Damn it, Eren, there are enough Germans who want to see you dead and lying face down in the mud, so don't make enemies within your own ranks. Those men could be the ones to save your keister when everything seems lost. Forget your pride and pull yourself together. This is not the time to pick fights over puerilities. You're and adult now. Act like one. It's not only your survival which depends on your behaviour, it's probably the survival of those next to you as well.

Even though I don't think this was what you wanted to read – take care of yourself. Tell Armin that his grandfather has been waiting for a letter from him for several weeks. Could it be it was lost? He shan't make his grandfather wait for too long. That old man appeared honestly worried about his grandchild as he entered my store the other day.

Write soon.

\- Levi

 


	22. Letter from Levi Ackerman to Erwin Smith. Paris, February 9th 1915

__   


 

* * *

 

 

Paris, February 9th 1915

 

Erwin,

 

good for you that those who served on the sunk ship didn't belong to your crew. It would go against the grain for me if I knew that you had to deal with such sorrows apart from the usual mess. When it comes to the naval war between the English and the Germans – leave this to your own people and focus on your work. Back then you made up your mind and you made the decision to join the infantry not without reason, right?

Luckily the temperatures increased and it's not freezing anymore. I could see the one or another picture in the newspapers and have to admit that the trenches and battlefields are hard to recognize as such. Terrible surreal, dirty places. Do you have to spend day by day at the front lines? Or do they give you a break from time to time?

Thinking of Eren... let's just say it was kind of amusing to listen to both of your stories. He is an immature brat of violent temper who's been spoiled by his mother for too long. He tends to overestimate his skills (even though he has a good heart). The tasks you engage him to do will be fulfilled according to his abilities, but when it comes to social matters, there is a considerable backlog. He may not appear this way, but from time to time he benefits from a heavy hand. Believe me, I speak from experience.

His mother told me the other day that his father has been drafted to serve. He is a physician and those kind of people are highly needed during war times. Eren doesn't know yet, but his mother is about to write him as soon as everything has been organized. It will probably bother him more than he will admit; they used to be really close. It seems like his father will be send to Vauqois, which is quite close to Verdun. Dr. Jaeger is a man of good skill. He looks after me for more than ten years now. It certainly won't be easy to find someone who can replace him.

How's Armin? Eren mentioned that his brains was of good use one or two times.

I send you half a pound of black tea but there is no need for you to pay me. I still can afford my own products, thank you very much.

It might be better if I stay here, far away from the front lines. I trust your decision, Erwin. Isn't it said that soldiers that doesn't fight shall rest? I don't want to cause you any stress.

What I intend to do with you once you come back to Paris I've already written in my previous letter. Apart from that my everyday life is joyless and boring right now. There's nothing interesting to tell. We work quite a lot, but I try to take it easy. Isabel usually lends me a hand. She will have to take care of the shop on her own next week, so I have to teach her everything she doesn't know yet.

 

Give the boys my regards.

 

I will see you soon.

 

\- Levi

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 45 comments, 50 kudos (even some of our beloved sempais noticed us!), 8 bookmarks and over 50 followers on tumblr within only a couple of months for a fanfiction, not even fanart. This is really incredible. 
> 
> We considered 'Letters from the drumfire' a mere roleplay and only began to upload it because we want to archive them somewhere where we could look them up if needed. 
> 
> All those reactions we got so far are way beyond everything we expected. 
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> P.S.: Forgive me if I haven't attached the original letter yet. It's pitchblack night here. The letters will during the day.


	23. Letter from Erwin Smith to Levi Ackerman. Marne, February 26th 1915

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The letter pictures will be uploaded during Thursday or Friday. This night is too pitchblack to take proper photos :')

* * *

 

 

Marne, February 26th 1915

 

Levi,

 

thank you very much for the tea. If you would know how little we carry in our actual rations, it would most certainly leave you speechless. Since you returned the money I sent with my last letter I considered it a good idea to invest them in new postage stamps. You will not believe me what happened afterwards, though. I lost them during our evening party of card games to the young Jaeger. To be honest, such things rarely occur to me. Lieutenant Zacharias comforted me with some words of consolation, saying that even the best tend to have some bad luck from time to time.

You should have seen Eren's face when he finally realized that he had won. It goes without saying that he acted very enthusiastic over his victory. I could not even be properly sad about my loss, seeing the kid in such delight. After the things you wrote in your last letter he will need them more than I do. Now he has to write to two different places to keep his parents updated. What a pity.

I hope that your condition will not worsen since you have to do without this skilled physician of yours from now on.

We were lucky and earned a pause from the front that lasted a little longer than usual, thus our next stay there will last a little longer as well. The longest amount of time we have spent in the trenches at a stretch must have been about two days. The replacement troop arrived too late and it is not a surprise the boys consumed their rations way to early. They are still lacking of self-temptation which makes them act unbearable from time to time. But they are capable of learning and clever enough not to do the same mistake twice.

I can tell you at least this: Without Armin we would have been struggling even more than we are anyway. He is of very good use for the troop. He is one of the very few that are allowed to influence my way of thinking, my strategies. It is fascinating that both our brains are working in such different, yet efficient manners. There is still so much of a navy commander within me, and, to be honest, not yet enough of a colonel, so that I tend to blame myself secretly for everything and nothing. Deep inside, I am still commanding the crew of a ship. And once the ship receives a hit, we all sink. But it is not like that here. Everybody perceives the trenches on their own. The might be with their comrades, but they die alone. If I make a wrong decision I must pay with the lives of my soldiers, yet I have to proceed nevertheless. I can not show any weakness.

This is why I am grateful to have Armin around. He questions every of my decisions and so does Mike. Of course I could act like a snob, stick to my point of view and just send him back to the others. But that would make me a sad, pitiful old man, I guess, and I do not see myself that way. Considering this, the losses we have to lament would certainly be higher without Armin. And I am not sure if I would have lost my live by now as well.

Concerning the things I just wrote to you – make this a secret between us. This is nothing I tend to talk with my friends about, if you know, what I mean.

There are a few questions that caused me some sleepless nights in the trenches. Firstly I keep wondering whether your Name, _Ackerman_ , allows it to suggest a german-jewish background?

Furthermore I keep asking myself, how the fact you send me a picture of you, so that I can take a look at you every day and night, matches that you refuse my desire to hear about your phantasies about me. _There were all kind of things you would like to do with me_. That's what you wrote.

Is your reserved attitude related to the fact that you have to leave Isabel alone with the shop? What is the reason for this? Where do you spend a week if not there?

 

I can not stop thinking of you, hoping that you are well and in good health.

 

Yours,

Erwin

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY!
> 
> Yes, I am sorry, we made you wait. We were a little busy over here - Gochi/Erwin with her work, and I was busy translating LmyS and sew the cosplay to this... little main project of mine.
> 
> Anyway, seems like Levi had to wait as well, since the stubborn old commander lost his postage stamps to Eren. Tztz, you pathetic old man.
> 
> Good bye and see you soon~


	24. Diary entry of Levi Ackerman. Saint-Valery-en-Caux, February 20th 1915

* * *

 

 

Saint-Valery-en-Caux, February 20th 1915

I would have liked to write all this down way earlier, but the circumstances wouldn’t allow it. The past two weeks were rather complicated.

During the afternoon of February 9th, only a few hours after I handed my last letter for Erwin to the mailman, I refilled some shelves with freshly arrived goods. The shelves in hour shop have the same height as the room itself, massive wooden and quite neat. I therefore had to step on one of these ladders that can be seen in libraries. I had barely slept during the past days. The shop kept me busy. I was racking my brain about Farlan, whose last letter arrived quite a while ago – and that still hasn’t changed yet. The last thing I can remember is that I reached for one of the tea caddies to adjust them, and blinked. As opened my eyes for the next time I found myself in a hospital bed. They said that I suffered from a cardiogenic collapse, caused by my physical condition and the fact I overworked myself. I most likely fell from the ladder and hit my head somewhere. Isabel found me hours later. For fucks sake, sometimes I can’t help myself but to hate this weak body of mine. The following days I was too weak to even hold a pen, yet write something down. Isabel was at the edge. They kept me there for four whole days and only released me so early because I assured them that I will go for a treatment in two weeks anyway.

So from today on I am back at France’s coasts and I know that the rest and salty air will help me to recover. Isabel’s great uncle welcomed me with the heartiness that’s so typical for him and the room they gave me for this stay is sober and clean. It’s located in the first floor of the sanatorium, a huge, neoclassic villa. I can see the ocean from my desk. The furniture is plain, the environment poor in distraction. White lacquered wood dominates everything around here, but that’s exactly what a restless mind needs to settle down.

I’m quite curious what the next days might bring. I made the one or another nice acquaintance here during my past stays. Unfortunately I forgot the novels I intended to bring with me at home – seems like I have no choice but to research the library for some interesting books.

Apart from that I have Erwin’s letters with me. To read them in bed before I fall asleep always fills me with a certain confidence, and that’s all I need.

I hope he is doing well.

 

The dinner is about to be served. I should get dressed and head downstairs.

 

\- Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pictures will be added later.


	25. Diary entry of Levi Ackerman. Saint-Valery-en-Caux, February 26th 1915

 

* * *

 

Saint-Valery-en-Caux, February 26th 1915

 

It is a calm and quiet life that we are ought to lead here, but this is exactly what I’ve been longing for and what brought me here. My stay is as comfortable as usual, and I’m not missing a thing. The days, though, are always the same. Getting up early, doing morning exercises, having miscellaneous treatments and relaxation, lots of it. 

Even though I hoped to meet patients from last year, I found myself alone this time, yet I was able to make an acquaintance that I consider noteworthy. A young woman, about 20 years of age, the hair red like copper. Her name is Madame Petra Ral. I met her on my first evening around dinner time – they seated us at the same table, and therefore we spend some time day by day. She is a rich, spoiled girl, but she didn’t lose her friendliness about that. 

Moreover she was kind enough to lend me one of her books she finished reading a couple of days ago – the library contains nothing but pulp fiction, to be honest – but I now own Victor Hugo’s ‘Les Misérables’ anyway. I’ve already read halfway through it and discussed the parts I liked with Madame Ral during our broad morning walks at the coast. It’s not as cheerful as I wished it to be, yet it is quite interesting to read.

Thinking about that, Madame Rals husband came for a visit the other day. A highly decorated officer, visiting his home. A dandy, who treated her like she was his personal possession. What he is doing here is something I cannot understand anyway. As if they weren’t already busy enough at the front lines…

She tried to hide her feelings about his rough and rude behaviour during dinner, but I didn’t miss her taciturnity during this evening. I somehow managed it to keep my temper though, remaining silent about my antipathy towards this guy.

Apart from that it is said that they intend to expand the sanatorium by adding a new building during this year. There are many war-disabled that are sent to the health clinics and sanatoriums to recover. I could not overlook them on my trip up here, in my train, on the streets. Even though this war only – or already? – lasts for six months now, they appear to be almost everywhere. Today they are treated as heroes, but by next year they will only be cripples among thousands. And even though this is a fact, most of the people I talk to are still supporting this war with all they have and scold me a fool to think otherwise. Even Madame Ral won’t hide her pride over her fighting soldier husband. Does that make me a lousy patriot? Maybe. As if I’d care.

Isabel was so kind to come all the way from Paris to visit me. She said the business is doing well according to the circumstances and that she’s good, too. Whether she only said that in order not to upset me or if this was the truth I will see once I get back home. To meet her, though, was not bad at all. I kind of miss her jingling on the piano during the – and she probably misses my snide remarks, telling her to refrain from doing so.

However. She told me that Eren and Armin are healthy and well. Madame Jaeger apparently only received a letter from them the other day. I asked for letters of Farlan and Erwin, but it seems like didn’t receive any from both of them. It’s no good to rack my brains about that. Even Eren only writes from time to time, and that brat is doing perfectly well.

I read in the newspapers today that they closed the Suez Canal for ships of neutral states. It remains to hope that this will not affect the prizes. The goods in my shop are already expensive enough.

\- Levi. 

 


	26. Diary entry of Levi Ackerman. Saint-Valery-en-Caux, March 3rd 1915

* * *

 

Saint-Valery-en-Caux, March 3rd 1915

All sorts of things have happened over the past days or rather a lot of things haven’t happened from which I hoped they would. Despite everything there were some rays of hope that enlightened my days.

Everything began with yesterday’s visit of Isabel. My worries she could be struggling with her responsibility for the shop turned out to be unjustified. She said she spoke to our wholesale dealer and he informed her about the fact that the prices will increase due to the closure of the Suez Canal. That’s a problem. The goods in our shop are too expensive already. This damn war costs me hard cash, while the capitalists and elitists make the profits of their lives. We already don’t earn enough anymore to afford the temporary stuff to help us out on weekends and holidays. It remains to hope that this situation will not worsen during the upcoming months.

My question whether a letter from Farlan arrived was denied once more. This worries me increasingly. He’s usually a dependable guy. I hope that he is doing well. It is most likely they sent him to the front two weeks ago. Who knows where he is stationed now. Maybe he is just lacking the time or chance to write me. There may be a lot of reasons for his letters to take a while…

Erwin though has written to me. He has gambled away his ration of stamps to Eren and couldn’t answer sooner due to his stupidity. I wouldn’t be surprised if he lost them to Eren on purpose – from what I could witness until now this is something he would dare to do. Or maybe his English pride was damaged by my refusal of his damn money. It may be that he wanted to act like a gentleman, but I need neither his pity nor his pay. Still – it is a lovely gesture of him to give Eren a special treatment – it appears that he is still struggling with his father’s draft, but who wouldn’t. I know that Erwin actually describes the trenches not as they are, but in an euphemistic way. Nonetheless I can picture under which horrible conditions they have to reside there. When the Germans won’t get them it is only a matter of time before typhus, rats and cholera will do.

He asked me whether my origin is German-Jewish. Because of my name. That bastard sure is clever. And he doesn’t hold back at all. He still insists to know what I would do with him if we met again. I shouldn’t have brought up that topic. If they hadn’t drafted Farlan, things would have turned out completely different, most certainly. But now it might be better for me to hold back. This is not the right time. Isabel and I are Farlan’s safe harbour. We are everything that gives him the strength he needs out there. And if I just stand still long enough – maybe the wish to meet Erwin again will fade not before too long. And things will be like they were before. I can’t do this. I am not allowed to.

Madame Ral who had kept my company during the past few weeks will depart by tomorrow morning and the end of my stay here approaches as well. She gave me the promise to visit me in my shop and I am looking forward to this. I hope to keep up that contact in the future. We need to focus on the little things.

I will answer Erwin’s letter now.

-Levi.


	27. Letter from Farlan Église to Levi Ackerman. Place unknown, February 3rd 1915

* * *

 

Place unknown, February 3rd 1915

 

Mon cher Levi,

 

I can't say how much I miss you. The lines you sent to me gave me courage and strength. Right now I kind of envy Eren and Armin that they were able to do their basic training during the summer months. Both of them were quite lucky to become a part of Erwin's unit. He seemed a nice guy and appeared to be righteous and competent.

Please don't worry about me and my health. Everything is alright. I can't help myself but to think of you and young Isabel all the time – you are the family worth fighting for.

In addition I want to add that from now on I am going to send you my pay every month. I'm well supplied with rations here and have no use for it. And don't you dare to send it back, I am going to send it to Isabel so she can waste it on sweets then.

Take care of your heart – and of Isabel's as well.

 

Je t'embrasse,

Farlan

 


	28. Letter from Farlan Église to Levi Ackerman. Place unknown, February 15th 1915

 

* * *

 

 

Place unknown, February 15th 1915

 

Levi,

 

I know you haven't answered me yet, but it can't wait. They prematurely finished our basic training and right now in this moment I'm on my way to the western front. They're sending us to the Champagne. They say there will be a huge battle against the Germans not before too long. Our first sergeant though seems to be quite confident that we will be able to break through the German lines.

I just hope we will get better weather soon.

I have to be brief. It's in the middle of the night, we're on the train, it's almost impossible to write here.

Don't worry about me.

 

Je t'embrasse,

Farlan

 


	29. Letter from Farlan Église to Levi Ackerman. Place unknown, February 21st 1915

 

* * *

 

 

Champagne, February 21st 1915

 

Mon cher Levi,

 

first things first: I'm alive and I'm healthy.

Apparently it's a miracle, since we've been fighting for the past week without a break. I haven't slept in days. The noise is deafening. Our sergeant thought our breakthrough would be done within one day, but he was just plain wrong.

I'm thinking of you two all the time, yet I haven't received a letter from you until now. Levi, are you alright? I know it's almost time for you to head to the health resort. I hope it won't be too much of a bother for Isabel to take care of the shop on her own.

It's so cold and wet here that I can't help myself but to miss our warm and comfortable bed.

 

Je t'embrasse,

Farlan

 


	30. Letter from Farlan Église to Levi Ackerman. Champagne, February 28th 1915

 

 

* * *

 

Champagne, February 28th 1915

 

Cher Levi,

 

since I haven't received answers on my letters neither of you nor of Isabel I came to the conclusion that this bastard of mailman must have lost them. If he does the same with my letters from the military in which they send my pay I will make sure to tie a knot into that guy's spine.

But, well, they might arrive someday. I rather not think of all the sorrows and worries you must endure because of that. But I'm still here and in the best of health.

That noise is still annoying as hell, though. I miss Isabel jingling on the piano which I usually told her to stop.

Are you already back at that health resort my dear?

Give Isabel a kiss of me.

 

Je t'embrasse,

Farlan


	31. Letter from Levi Ackerman to Erwin Smith. Paris, March 6th 1915

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler tag for the note in the end of this chapter.

* * *

 

Paris, March 6th 1915

 

Erwin,

It's... approximately half past nine in the evening. The shop is closed, Isabel is asleep, I'm finally done for today. I was intending to spend the evening with the one or another glass of whiskey and a good book in front of my chimney, when I remembered the fact that your letter still needs to be answered. The only paper that's left in this house has been speckled by Isabel with my aftershave when she was cleaning, yet I think it will serve the purpose nevertheless. Now I'm sitting here, whiskey on the one side, your letter on the other, writing to you. The booze heats up my tired limbs not badly, especially with this shitty weather today, but since you have to creep through mud and sludge out in the sticks I have to content myself with drinking one for you as well. So: À ta santé.

It's good to know you're healthy and well. Not that I would have worried much about your condition – bad weeds grow tall, isn't that what people say? But since Farlan's letters were delivered with about one month delay as well I started to feel like probably something had gone wrong. So, you say you have 'lost' your stamps to Eren? Well, well. If I can remember this one night in August properly, you weren't anything but a bad card player and Eren plays with a bungling incompetence ever since. Do I smell a noble gesture there, Smith?

I feel free to attach a postal card of Paris to my letter. It's probably the nicer view as the look from the dugout to the open fields you're having right now. I send them together with a sheet of stamps which you _must_ _not_ __gamble away again to some teenage recruits. Take care of my poor heart, I have truly better things to do than to rack my brains over the well-being of my friends out there.

According to the all the stuff you mentioned in your last letter – I for sure will keep my mouth shut. You should ask yourself though if that's the same for the censorship guys who most likely will read through your letters before they are allowed to leave the field post office. Not as if I'd care.

When it comes to my second name you were not mistaken. My father is of German origin and furthermore he was jewish too – which makes me a german-jewish salesmen as well, even though I don't feel any connection to either this religion nor this country of Germany. It's been quite a while since I last spoke German. By now I have most certainly forgotten almost everything. Have you spent your whole life in London? I don't even know under which conditions you grew up.

When it comes to me, I'm doing well. There were some smaller things which turned out to be more complicated than I had wished them to be, but in the end everything was fine. Farlan is healthy and well, even though his letters arrived way too late. He is sending us his pay, which makes a lot of things easier, since the prices of our goods have increased during the past months due to the war.

Furthermore I spent some weeks at the sea. Your letter reached me there as well. There is this hospital where I reside twice a year for a few weeks to have a rest and recover. During this stay I met a young woman named Petra Ral and we got along with each other quite well. Her husband is an officer and he visited her during his home leave – a disgusting, unfriendly piece of shit, who didn't treat her with the respect she deserved. She promised me to visit me in my shop in a not too distant future and I'm curious if she will keep her word.

During my absence Isabel took care of the shop on her own. She did well. I should stop treating her like the child she is no longer. She's growing up.

During my journey though, which I did by train, I could see the one or another war invalid soldier. By now they can be seen everywhere and they won't be the last of their kind. Sometimes I keep asking myself whether it wouldn't be better to die a death in the trenches, as senseless as it may be, than to live disfigured and deformed in the worst way for the next thirty years. I keep hoping that those Germans are too coward and stupid to force you into such a destiny, Erwin.

You will not stop asking before I will finally have told you what I meant back then when I was talking about all the things I'd like to do to you, right? Well, I will pour myself another glass and then grant you your wish. The booze makes me quite talkative, yet you appear like that kind of person that can deal with some honest replies. So, excuse my french – I can't forget that night in August. It might be already half a year, but I can still feel your lips on mine. Whatever I'm trying to do, I won't get it out of my head. I could not even forget the scent of your after shave, can you imagine this? How, I ask you, can a man that I barely know, with whom I have spent only one evening, touch me in a way that I keep asking myself after all these months how this night could have ended if Farlan wasn't there? I know the answer. I don't even own a picture of you, yet I wouldn't be sure if I could hold myself back if you'd stand in front of me again. I got the bug back then, and it wouldn't let me go. I want to know everything about you. It won't leave me alone. You drive me crazy, Smith. And instead of going to bed early I'm sitting here and write you drunken, pathetic, longing letters which Farlan would in fact beat me up for if he'd know about them and would be right doing so.

Erwin, if it wasn't for that damn war... I tell you, we would be sitting in some café somewhere in Paris ad the rain that's drumming against the windows wouldn't be a threat anymore. But as things are right now – you're just so far away.

Let's be honest with each other. You are a projection surface for the thoughts in my head, for the sorrows that keep haunting me, the dreams and longings that can't be addressed to anyone else but you. And I am yours. That way we make ourselves some nice and comfortable lifes, don't we? Since whenever we can't take it any longer we can write down a few lines to this person who is unreachable, yet always there. Maybe that's our way of dealing with this situation. We're fighting alone at different front lines. It's only a natural thing to look for someone who – even though only in thoughts – will give you the strength you need to succeed and whose narrations will comfort you if you had a harsh day. Sometimes that's all you can get. And sometimes that's all you can ask for.

I hope you're doing fine.

Take care.

And don't you dare to make me wait again for so long.

 

\- Levi.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to the Erwin Smith. You've fought well, my dear. You're precious. And we all love you.


	32. Letter from Eren Jaeger to Levi Ackerman. March 14th, 1915

,

 

* * *

 

March 14th 1915

Cher Levi,

My deepest apologies for making you wait for so long once more. But all kinds of turbulent things have occurred and I want to, now, where I finally have some calm minutes on my own, give you a proper report about this.

By now we’ve been marching back and forth through France for the past couple of days. We started on March 10th, which basically means that if you have sent me a letter to this point it will most likely get lost or take much longer, since they have to redirect it to our new location. That doesn’t make any sense, does it? I should maybe start from the beginning.

About one week earlier the news reached us that we will be drafted from Soissons and be send up to Ypres. That’s quite far away from home, which ruins the possibility to return to Paris on a day off. I’m not sure what I should think about the current developments; until now we have heard nothing but bad things about Ypres. The others rumour that we’re send there to fill up the holes our fallen comrades left – and they’re probably not so wrong about that either. Commander Smith appears even more severe than usual. He uses to be a calm, stiff guy, but when we’re sitting together for a game of cards he talks his share and even makes the one or another joke once he drank up. Since it is official that we’ll be heading for Ypres we wait for these jokes for nothing. This worries me the most to be honest. All in all though the stories from the north tend to be contradictory to an extend that leaves us no choice but to wait and see. It will probably not be much worse than in Soissons. And spring is just around the corner. Once it starts to get warmer the worst might be over.

Even though this might be bad news we shouldn’t forget that who marches doesn’t have to fight. After we took the rap for France for the past few months it’s honestly a pleasure to hear the drumfire only from the distance. Of course marching day in day out is not like being on vacation as well, but it’s a pleasant change after the past months of the always same routine in the trenches. The others feel, at least I think so, probably the same way. We laugh and joke like in school days and sometimes, when nobody expects it to happen, we wander through untouched landscapes only to run into abandoned battle fields shortly after. Those are places where you won’t find anything but bones and lumber, since the front lines have shifted long ago. You have probably no idea of how ripped the landscapes and fields are around here. We will most certainly miss the first signs of spring, since there is nothing left that could actually blossom. We live in the mud. Well done, artillery.

Now where everything calmed down a little I’m finally able to see the friendships that have developed during the past months. Last winter we might have been nothing but a bunch of youngsters, picked and mixed by coincidence, but by now we’re so close that not even a sheet of paper would fit in between us. That means – between those who’re still alive and well. For months now we haven’t been complete and we will never be it again. From time to time we get new soldiers amongst our rows to fill up the place of those who died and we try to teach the youngsters, who don’t know anything about war and survival, all the tricks they need to know in order to make it through the day. In the end you live and die by chance, though. What saves the one kills the other. You don’t know what’s best until it actually happens.

During the nights then, gathered around the campfire, everybody tells his story. There is Connie, whose parents work as peat digger and who wants to follow into his father’s footsteps once the war is over. Also Jean, who grew up together with Marco close to the German border at a farmstead. That guy makes a huge secret out of his past and of course Armin totally falls for this. I stopped caring. It’s not that I could change it.

When we lay on the fields during the nights, Armin explains the night sky to me while the others sleep. You wouldn’t believe how many stars can be seen out there in the countryside; way more than in Paris. Armin has always been the best student in our class and therefore he knows all the signs by heart and by name. It doesn’t surprise me that Commander Smith has taken a liking in him even though I have to admit that I would like to spend more time with my best friend, like before the war, when we were always together. But Smith has almost adopted him and now Armin works as his personal assistant. Armin speaks perfect English since his mother’s from London and he used to spend the summer months at his grandparent’s place in England. He probably reminds the Commander of his homeland. When I can spend some time with Armin it’s always Commander Smith here, Commander Smith there. Or he keeps on babbling about Jean.

The place from which I’m writing to you is about three day’s walks from Soissons. In contrary to the fat and green landscapes we passed from time to time this place makes me shiver. We camp amongst the burned ruins of an old farmstead. Most of it has been burned down to the foundation walls, yet some rooms of the main building remained intact. Commander Smith ordered us – Jean, Armin and me – to search the rooms for something useful. Supplies, wood, something like this. It was truly a spooky picture that was offered to us there, something I haven’t seen at the front lines so far. Before we knew it nobody dared to speak anymore. We could see personal items scattered here and here, furniture, clothes, even toys and books. It felt strangely wrong to be there and the longer we remained there like this the more awkward it felt. It didn’t take long until Jean lost his nerves and went outside without any further word. Seconds later, Armin had disappeared as well, leaving me alone with the loot and the ghosts of those who might have lived there before. You need to know, Armin and Jean have been inseparable for the past two months. They even share a bed when neccessary. At least Jean manages it to stop acting like a total idiot when he’s with Armin, so I won’t say anything against it, but I don’t get what Armin likes so much about him. Anyway – both remained outside for a while, while I searched the other rooms and when Armin finally returned after an endless amount of time he wouldn’t even tell me what happened. He said he had promised Jean to keep his mouth shut and that was his last word. Whatever, as if I’d care. Jean has been acting strange ever since we arrived here. Even more than usual.

Be that as it may, even though we had to leave Soissons head over heels Commander Smith was so kind to let our stay there end with a big surprise. He gave us the last day off and Commander Smith was nowhere to be seen during the whole day. When he arrived back at the camp he had this kind of expression that indicated he was up to something, and in the evening he suddenly placed a bunch of bottles at the table and treated us to spend the night in the presence of ladies who… know what they’re worth, if you know what I mean. I’ve never been so drunk in my whole life. Armin was totally overstrained by the situation and disappeared together with Jean shortly after. Commander Smith though got himself the small one, with the mean eyes and the dark hair, a girl everybody was secretly afraid of, and was not to be seen after that. Thinking about it now she somehow reminded me of you, Sir. Nevertheless, I can now finally admit that I have managed it to leave my virginity behind. However, with this unasked generosity Commander Smith will by now have convinced even the most critical soldier of his person. He’s a good man. He always takes good care of his subordinates. That’s all a soldier can ask for.

I hope business is going well and that Isabel and you are fine and in good health. Greetings to all and I’ll write you again soon.

Tendrement,

Eren  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Eren, oh Eren... you probably caused Levi to choke his tea during breakfast not only once, I assume. So Erwin acted generous and Eren lost his virginity. Lovely. And when it comes to how Erwin acted - it might not have been the way a gentleman would treat his lover, but it's war. And Erwin yet doesn't know when or if he will ever meet Levi again. So... please don't judge him. He had his reasons and he's only a human being after all.
> 
> So Ypres it is. I wonder what will happen there. While Soissons was only about 100 km away from Paris, with moving to Ypres it will be over 250 km from now on. Levi always hoped he could meet Erwin again on a day off, but with things being like this, I don't consider this realistic in the near future.
> 
> See you guys for the next letter.  
> R.K.


	33. Letter from Erwin Smith to Levi Ackerman. March 15th, 1915

* * *

 

 

March 15th, 1915

 

Levi,

since I cannot be sure whether this letter of mine will reach you in the morning or later afternoon, I shall greet you with both a good morning and a good day. Around this time of the year there might be the one or another good and sunny day in Paris already. I tend to dream myself away in minutes of spare free time, imagining busy housewives taking care of the garden before spring arrives, planting vegetables and flowers in huge flower tubs, even though I'm quite sure that I get carried away. It's a nice picture, though, and I pretty much like it.

Levi, be unconcerned when it comes to the intended use of your stamps, since they will be invested to send you those letters of mine which are so dear to me – and you, hopefully, too. Still, though, losing them to Eren was a righteous thing. He was able to write to his father, and his mother as well.

Since you showed some sincere interest in my social background and upcoming let me tell you something. Most of the letters I write are addressed to my family in London. Not that I wouldn't have enough business letters I need to take care of. Never though I would dare to make my mother wait for her weekly news of mine. I shall forbid you to smirk over my words, she's an honest and good woman and, since she's a Miss Smith after all, would give me hell if I would not attend my duty to keep her up to date. She has never saved costs and energy to give me the exact amount of discipline and love, and looking at me now, I shall say she did quite well in bringing me up, didn't she?

We used to afford a house maid and she acted much colder and stricter than my mother. Never I would have dared to leave a mess, since the consequences she would offer me were nothing I want to picture here in detail. I always had to act neat, punctual and polite. And even though my social status raised me over this young lady I still hold her the door when I meet her. She taught me a lot, and formed me as a person.

My parents own a townhouse in the middle of London. I was born and grew up there, a member of England's upper middle class. Even though I preferred staying at home when I was a child and chose the company of my books rather than my friends, Mr. Zacharias eventually managed it to make me explore the streets together with him. I met him in prep school. We left London for the first time together as sailors, an adventure on which we also met Mr. Zoe for the first time. I can still remember this day, grey and stormy, everyone of us absolutely seasick. We shared the ship rail on the port side, talking about how we all had underestimated the challenges of our new lives. Since we furthermore shared a room we grew close quite fast, something that has not changed until the present day.

Levi, you always tell me so detailed what is going on in your life, what you are experiencing and what is on your mind. And so I noticed while reading your last letter, that was filled with so much longing and curiosity, that I used to make quite a secret out of me and my living conditions. I did not expect that my lack of information would cause you such grief and I feel sorry for this.

It was certainly not a nice view for you, witnessing all these disabled, hurt soldiers on the train. I know that those were still the ones who are doing relatively well. The misery we have to face day by day, the pictures of the wounded and dead, the gunshots and screams of those dying, they hunt us in our dreams. This is why I am so grateful to receive your letters. They distract me, offer me some joy and pleasure, and help me to pass one or another desperate hour, while, for a moment only, my thoughts won't have to deal with the horror that surrounds me.

Please excuse that I did not manage it to write you earlier, but we received marching orders not too long ago. Five days prior we have left Soissons and are now heading north to Ypres. Even though I did my best to motivate my troops their moral is decreasing. And then you write about officers that are already enjoying their home leave, only thinking about it already makes me sick. They sure have it quite well. Still, though, I would rather die than leave my men all alone while they are fighting the enemy. Even though, sometimes, I would love to.

Fortunately, this unit is still complete since I took them under my care. We hardly had any wounded and I hope we can go on like this. I found a hard working assistant in young Armin Arlert. And right now, in this very moment, Mr. Zoe is sleeping like a log next to me – an ability I am truly jealous of out here. Mr. Zacharias is still awake and driving the truck, questioning me from time to time, so it is hard for me to concentrate properly. Furthermore I'm writing on the wheel case of our truck and it's swinging back and forth, so please, excuse my handwriting as well. Should this letter appear motley in any way it happened due to the circumstances. It's already so late and – in contrast to you - we ran short on alcohol about 40 kilometres ago. But don't worry about us. Rather tell me what you did to calm down the hot-blooded temper of the young private Jaeger when he was still working for you.

It's only been five months and I have already forgotten how peace felt like. And the thought of you and me sitting in some nice café in Paris is so comforting I will treasure it for better times, so one day we can make this idea come true.

I can still remember the scent of your shop and the fact that not too long ago one of your letters smelled like your after shave. By now the scent has vanished or been replaced by my own odour. So if Isabel happened to pour some of your perfume over your sheets by accident again, forgive her and think of me. How, if not like this, could I remember the small details I liked so much about you on that summer night?

Thinking about it now I feel almost ashamed to notice that I will not be able to act as the gentleman I have been brought up to be in your company. I did not attach the adequate value to your hints when it came to Farlan. But now you have been very clear of what part he takes in your life. Of course I know how I should react now. Principally I should leave you alone, you and him. I should be satisfied with this. What we have here and now. But I need to be honest with you, I can't. This war leaves us alone with our dreams and wishes for the future. It's all we have, and the more desperate we cling to them. I would love to remain you projection surface now and in the future, raising you a smile, even though I can't see it and pry out all of your secrets. Tell me what you can't tell to anyone else.

 

I'll be thinking of you now and always.

Erwin

 

P.S.: Let us bring to an end what we started once we meet again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening ladies and gentlemen,
> 
> it's been a while. Both Gochi and I are sorry for letting you wait for so long and we hope the length of Erwin's letter will make up for it. We starting the blog about one year from now, if I remember correctly, and that's just a great thing I think. 
> 
> There were and will be some slight changes. I almost stopped using any social media apart from twitter, so if you want to be up do date, check good ol' HerrKirschbaum's twitter profile.
> 
> Furthermore I'm going to reorganise my Patreon account this weekend, so there won't be monthly charges anymore. On the other side, Patreon's will be able to access chapters about one week before I upload them on Ao3. 
> 
> I'm thinking of publishing a print of my shorter stories at the end of the year. Just in case you guys are interested, give me a note!
> 
> I think that's it for so far. Have a good night and I'll see you soon.


	34. Letter from Levi Ackerman to Erwin Smith. Paris, April 1st 1915

* * *

 

 

Paris, April 1st 1915

 

Erwin,

 

you may excuse my delayed answer, yet I wanted to make sure that my letter to you won’t be lost due to the chaos that has been caused by your relocation. What nonsense it would be, if my letter would not reach you because of such nullities. Therefore I decided to wait until I could be sure that you all made it to Ypres. According to Eren’s statements he was not very happy about the recent changes and I guess you might share his opinion. Ypres is quite far away. It’s most likely that Eren had hoped for a spontaneous  trip to Paris during a weekend off, but now, where things are like this, it won’t be possible anymore. And I myself have to admit that I would sleep calmer knowing that you are close by. 

So you’re the son of rich parents. Well, according to your sophisticated way of acting and talking it does not surprise me much, to be honest. Do you have any siblings? I can hardly imagine that you grew up a single child. You parents sure owned a well sorted library, or am I mistaken? I can imagine you quite well, sneaking into your father’s rooms in his absence, secretly reading all the books he kept there. What kind of literature do you prefer? Maybe I can help you out with that. Where you are right now there will hardly be many possibilities to pass the time, right? A good book has already changed the one or another dark hour to the positive.

Well, I don’t believe the wounded and crippled soldiers I saw in the trains will lessen in a foreseeable future. According to the papers there will be new uniforms given to the soldiers, uniforms that are not as colourful as those our boys are wearing right now. Horizon grey, that’s how they called it, if I remember correctly. Since Eren hasn’t mentioned anything about that yet it’s most likely that you did not receive any yet? Will you switch to french colours now as well, Smith? Such a development is a bad omen. Everybody was believing that the war would be over within a few months, but now there will be new uniforms. Who, I ask you, would invest in something that doesn’t offer any long term use? The war will continue for a long time, that’s what I think. Keep an eye on Armin and Eren. Especially Armin will soon realise the full scope of those news. I want them back in my shop once this mischief is over.

Well, Eren has a hot temper. His choleric rages were well known in our neighbourhood – something he, if I may speak frankly, has inherited from his father. His mother spoiled him when he was young and now he struggles with authority. He can be treated rougher and stricter than other boys – it won’t let him break. It’s not like he is not willed to work – but he can’t change who he is. Does he still get involved in fights that much?

If I enter a nice café for the next time I will think of you. Is there any place you would like to go again? A sort of cake you liked the most? Just tell me, and I will go there in your place. You’re stuck out there, so at least let me act as your henchman.

Well Farlan is Farlan. We are together, because we have always been together. Who knows how things would have turned out if you had been staying longer in Paris. And if it helps you, dream of me. It’s not like you would cause any harm like this, right? If it gives you strength, don’t hesitate and think of me.

You wrote that you were always keeping me in your mind, Smith. To be honest, I wasn’t sure whether I should address you in this matter or not and have to confess that this was also one of the reasons why my letter got delayed that much. I wanted to make sure that I would not write down anything I would regret afterwards. According to Eren’s last letter – and leave the boy alone, once you’ve read this, I dare you – you’ve organised quite a thrilling spectacle on your last day in Soisson? It was quite an interesting read that you spent the night in the company of a lady who, let me quote, reminded him quite of me. It was even more interesting though, that you must have somehow forgotten to mention this in your past letter, Smith. Well, of course you told me that you wanted to finish what you’ve started, and I hope you could solve this to your fullest satisfaction.

Isabel and I are doing well. I have not received any message from Madame Ral since my return to Paris, but I continue waiting in the most patient manner. Maybe she will just drop into my shop on one warm spring morning. You never know. Right now we are happy over every costumer that enters this place, since the business is doing not so well. It’s not like we are struggling from day to day, but it cannot be compared to last year. Increasing prices and a German name on the shop sign is something that doesn’t attract costumers, I suppose. If this does not change in the new future we have to come up with something.

Well, I had promised Isabel to draw a ghost in her ghost book and I don’t want to disappoint her. Should I send you one as well? Only if you send me one as well, of course.

 

Don’t let me wait for too long, Smith.

 

\- Levi. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may ALL excuse my delayed answer. It's already been more than one month. I am sorry. But I can tell you guy right away, the next letter has already been written and sent, the only thing left to do for me is to translate and upload it (on December 23rd). 
> 
> I actually think writing Levi is the hardest thing of this story. Eren always has stuff he can talk about, since so much keeps happening to hi in such a short amount of time. Erwin is not my business, since I'm not the one who writes him. And Levi... well, he's living his ordinary life and routines as far as possible. War only slowly starts to affect this man. Furthermore he wants to offer Erwin some comfort and therefore he is not that kind of person who makes his letters about himself. 
> 
> I like the fact he offers Erwin to do stuff for him in his place. He kind of offers him a normal life as far as possible in those circumstances. And what he writes about Farlan - they have a wicked relationship here and Levi is fully aware of the guilt he might be carrying before too long. He doesn't know what to do. He knows he is everything Farlan has (apart from Isabel), so he just can't leave him alone. No matter how much he might be interested in Erwin. Right now he is struggling to find his right path. I hope he will be able to find it. 
> 
> And of course he had to quote Erens letter. I bet Erwin is going to choke his tea while reading it - and then ends up talking to Eren anyway: "Son. Don't you ever mention me in your letters again, do you understand? Just imagine the enemy getting his hands on one of our letters, revealing all the secrets about me and or our secret plans. For heaven's sake, THINK boy, THINK." "...eh, yes Sir. //what the hell is he talking about?//"
> 
> Also - what the hell is going on with Madame Ral? She is late!
> 
> Well, I see you guys in 2 weeks!
> 
> Have a nice pre christmas time and don't forget to listen to last christmas ;D


	35. Letter from Eren Jaeger to Levi Ackerman. Ypres, April 7th 1915

 

* * *

 

Ypres, April 7th 1915

 

Cher Levi,

 

almost one month has passed since I sent my last letter to you. I sincerely want to thank you for your answer. We have arrived in Ypres a while ago, but until now I did not happen to see the horrors everybody here is talking about. But more about that later.

You will certainly remember that we made rest next to the ruins of an old farm on our way up here. Jean had acted very strange on that evening, but I left him alone – I don't want to get in trouble with commander Smith again because of him. When we laid down on the field that night I couldn't find any rest. Finally I gave up and decided to stroll around, hoping that I would be tired enough afterwards to fall asleep. My steps led me back to that ruin. Accompanied by a lantern I wandered around in what was left of the building, that must have been quite beautiful once. Rustic architecture, rural middle class people. Everything had been darkened by soot and what was left from the tapestry stripped of the walls in shreds. I wanted to know what kind of people used to live here once, before the Germans destroyed their lives and existence. In the end I noticed a small picture frame in the ashes that still carried a photography of better times, completely intact due to a miracle. In the dim light of the lantern I looked at it and almost let it drop, since I believed to see ghosts. One closer look though confirmed my thoughts. On that picture there was nobody else to bee seen but Jean Kirschstein himself, surrounded by what I suppose to be his family. The picture must have been a few years old, but it was definitely him. Can you believe that? The ruins are located on an area that was soon overrun by German troops after the declaration of war. I can hardly imagine what scenes must have taken place here. And for a moment I felt ashamed for all the rude and harsh things I had thrown randomly after his head during the past weeks.

I removed the picture from the frame and took it with me, before I returned to the others. But I could not find any sleep in this night. The pictures of this war hunted me even more than usual. And I didn't know what I should do with that photo. So I kept marching for a few more days, until I couldn't stand it any longer and took Jean away with me in a calm minute. I told him that I had found something in the ruins that he probably wanted to have back and handed him over the photography. He thanked me in a very calm and low voice, with sad and I think broken eyes. I have never seen him like that. Still though, I would like to know, what happened, but I'm certainly the last person on earth to who he would talk about that kind of things. Maybe Armin will tell me one day, but I honestly doubt that.

So we are in Ypres now and I can report you with joy that we have it quite comfortable here so far. It's a matter of fact that we have been used to fill up the gaps the Germans left in our troops, but we have been welcomed in an unexpectedly warm way.

Noteworthy are especially our senior comrades that have taken us under their wings and showed us around, above all some guys named Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover, two passionate patriots that grew up in the German border area. They are French though, and hate the Germans with every fibre of their bodies. They are from the Département Meuse, but even though the front line crosses their homes they usually are merry and confident. Reiner in particular, a huge, heavy guy, who – at least his comrades say so – can't be stopped by anything. German grenades would bounce off his body and fly back to the enemy's trenches. Over Bertholdt there is not much I can say yet. He is calm and friendly, but he is not talking much. But it's easy to feel comfortable in their company.

Since we're stationed behind the front lines right now, so we can recover from our march, we have a lot of spare time and you bet that we will take good use of it. We do wrestling matches and boxing matches. We play all sorts of goofy and merry games. Of course we also play cards, but commander Smith refrains from joining us since I made him strip down to his shorts back then.

Some of us are right now busy preparing a stage play that shall be performed next week. Can you imagine it? A theatre at the front! Of course it is more simple than in Paris, but still! I almost feel like a human being again, writing about all of this. It's a pity that the girls' roles will also be played by guys, but well, you can't have everything, right?

I hope you are doing well and are not working too much. Take care of your health. Send Farlan and Isabel my best regards. We hold the fort here to make the Germans stay where they are right now – behind Ypres.

 

Tendrement,

Eren

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and thank you for reading the last drumfire letter for this year 2016. To be honest, I am glad this year is over. It has not brought much good - but I'm a pessimistic former history student, so I do not have much hope that next year will be any better. We are living in turbulent times. 
> 
> Therefore I am glad that at least Eren seems to have a nice time right now. They have been through so much already and truly deserve a rest. Will the photo incident flatten out the antipathy between Jean and Eren? We will see. 
> 
> What Eren writes here about is not mere part of my imagination. I found it while researching, since I wanted to know more about the every day life behind the front lines. Of course this is not representative and was surely made up for the journalists, still though, I think it's a nice film. You should give it a try if you're interested, it is very short:
> 
> http://www.filmportal.de/video/zouaves-d-afrique-dans-les-flandres-belges
> 
> Btw, I am not sure if you also read the Fall of Mephistopheles. I'm still planning to print it. So if you are interested, send me a short message in the comments, on twitter or at herrkirschbaum at gmail.com, so I can make a list with. Costs would be around 10$, but that cannot be said for sure until I get the test printing.
> 
> Have a nice holiday and take care.
> 
> Sincerely,  
> HerrKirschbaum


	36. Letter from Petra Ral to Levi Ackerman. Paris, April 10th 1915

 

* * *

 

You will hopefully forgive that it took me so long to address you, but all sorts of exciting things happened, things of which I hope I shall be able to tell you about in person very soon. Should my condition and schedule allow it I will happen to be in you Arrondissement on April 14th and I would be very happy if we would meet in this little tea shop of yours. I hope that you are in good health; please take good care of yourself.

Petra Ral

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know, it's rather short. I got a letter from Farlan here of the same length and I will upload it as well once I can access a scanner again - I haven't been able to recently. I'm sorry for the irregular updates, but the past six months have been insane. We plottet a lot though and are hopefully able to speed the pace up a little. It's just a lot of work. 
> 
> I hope you guys are doing fine and are enjoying winter so far! Spring is not far anymore!
> 
> Sincerely,   
> H.K.


	37. Letter from Farlan Église to Levi Ackerman. Vauquois, April 10th 1915

Vauquois, April 10th 1915

 

Mon cher Levi,

Your last letter reached me a little more than one month ago. The fact, that I haven’t heard anything from you since that day therefore indicates that the army postal services once more screwed up. However, sending letters to me to the Champagne won’t do any good from now on anyway. They transferred us to Vauquois, and to be honest, nothing good has ever come from this place.

Vauquois is located in the middle between Reims and Verdun. It’s only a tiny village on the top of a hill, but Levi, from up there you have a view that cannot be put into words. I wish you could see it yourself. You can see endlessly wide from there. And, of course, you can discover the enemy’s troops once they’ve crossed the horizon. It’s not much of a surprise that the German troops desperately want to get this village under their control, since those who control Vauquois also control the surrounding square kilometres.

The village itself is mere ruins. Around 150 people used to live here. At least that’s what the older soldiers around here say. If I’m not mistaken they’ve been evacuated back in summer 1914, but I guess that none of them will ever return to this place. It’s absolutely devastated. The few buildings that could be seen around here lie in ruins. The trees are not more than dead, black wood. This place might have been beautiful in the past, but Vauquois has lost its old charm apparently years ago. At least there is no drumfire that will keep us awake at night. Not that this would mean more sleep, no. The thought alone makes me smile, Levi.  I don’t know when I have slept properly for the last time.

You know, France and Germany are fighting about this piece of land since the war broke out. Whenever the Germans advance it won’t take long until the French strike back. From time to time somebody drops a bomb and everything is pure chaos until it gets back to exactly how it was before soon after. The static warfare that can be seen at every front line around here has overtaken us as well. But since this hill offers hardly any open range, we’re digging tunnels in which we eat, fight and sleep. It’s provisional, cold, muddy and moist. Day after day we are digging deeper, repair the pillars that keep everything together and try to avoid our shelter to collapse while we’re fighting with the rats for our food rations. These bloody beasts are everywhere. Everywhere.

Since both the Germans and we have started to hide underneath the earth there are hardly any troop movements that could be seen anymore. We’re stuck, basically. Fighting up here is completely different from fighting in the trenches. If you want to advance, you have to place a bomb close to a German tunnel in a way that it will tear the enemy into pieces – or at least burry them underneath debris. Sometimes I’m lying on my plank bed and try to find some rest, then, suddenly, there is an explosion and the only thing I can do about it is to pray that my own tunnel won’t collapse due to the German attack. I just hope they won’t let us fight here for too long. The trenches may be terrible, but this place is nothing but a mouse trap. The sooner we leave the better.

The only good thing around here is the company of my comrades. There is Mouse, a short guy with a sharp nose and dry humour from the Normandie. Apart from that Chalons, a skinny, tall guy, who once worked as a peat digger and desperately wants to return to his wife and child. Apart from them two youngsters, Philippe and Marius – they are as old as Eren and Armin and have volunteered not too long ago. We all had basic training together, and at the same time we’re the only ones that are still alive. In the beginning we were not less than 30 men. It’s devastating to see how friends and comrades die next to me, just as if it was the most natural thing in the world. It is even more devastating though to realise, who soon one can get used to such things.

I hope things are going better in Paris. Please forgive me for my whininess. It’s just – I would give everything if I could come back to you and Isabel. I miss it so much to hold you in my arms, to have you close by my side, while I bury my nose in your hear and breath your scent.

Think of me and give Isabel a kiss.

Farlan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there dear readers!
> 
> It's been a while! There have been a few changes in the past. Actually this here used to be a RPG between a friend and mine. Unfortunately we've been both so busy recently, that we won't be able to keep up the pace we wanted to have this way. Therefore we decided to separate the Ao3 letters from our letters. This basically means, that from now on, I will write all the characters in this fiction and upload them here on a more regular base (usually every two weeks on friday). You shall forgive me that I will not attach any more copies of handwritten letters, since from now on I will do them digital only. But well, I decided to go a little more into detail, which means we will get more intensive and longer letters.
> 
> So fasten your seatbelts and get ready for a wild year of 1915!


	38. Letter from Levi Ackerman to Erwin Smith. Paris, April 15th 1915

Paris, April 15th 1915

Erwin,

I actually don’t know why I keep writing you. Still though – if I think about it properly and am honest to myself I do know perfectly well why I’m writing this letter to you. It has been about one month since I got your last letter and it’s unusual not to hear from you for such a long time. Are you pouting since I addressed you quite roughly recently?

Strange things can be heard about the recent happenings in Ypres and to be honest, nothing of that can calm me down even a little. Eren used to tell me, that the circumstances up there are much better than in Soissons, yet I think this is rather caused by his juvenile mind and I can’t really believe all of this.

However – maybe your letters only got lost or are delayed. If you should get this letter of mine, let me know if you’re in good health and if there’s anything you need.

In the meanwhile a lot of things have happened, things I intend to give you a full report about now. A few weeks ago I received a billet by Madame Ral informing me that she will soon be visiting my area. She asked me whether I could offer her some of my spare time and of course I accepted her request. It was only yesterday that she arrived. To be honest, it was not bad to have a friendly face around after all these months. Her husband is back at the frontlines, but where exactly they sent him she couldn’t tell me. She appeared quite worried, since she hadn’t received a letter by him since he has returned two months ago, but apparently this seems to be a quite characteristic behaviour of him. It fits the first impression I received of him during my hospital stay. He’s a reckless and culture-lacking schmuck after all. Madame Ral though is with a child and it is more than likely that she will be a mother when we see each other for the next time. It was impossible to notice back in February, but now it cannot be overseen. She’s very happy about it and that’s the most important thing if you ask me.

Apart from that this war is ruining my prices. We’re too expensive as if the local people would drop by and purchase our products on a regular base – but what should I do? I can’t sell my products at a loss. How should I buy food and clothes? How should I pay our rent? And once a man opens his mouth and talks bad about this war, he’s seen as traitor and a runner-down. It’s ridiculous. It’s the small people who suffer the most, and the rich who make a killing in the arms industry. Still though, Isabel and I will have to come up with a solution if things keep going on like this. Maybe I’ll go around and see if I can get a further employment. Giving up the shop though is not an option. And a war can’t last for forever.

Farlan has been transferred and is now stationed apparently in the proverbial hell. Have you heard about Vauqouis? They’ve sent him to Lorraine. Now he’s sitting in some tunnels waiting for the Germans to blow him up. His letters have grown so bitter and sincere that I barely recognise him anymore. But enough of that, you sure have enough own problems to deal with in Ypres as if I should give you any more news like this.

Write me soon.

\- Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning, ladies and gents!
> 
> I'm struggling to get back to the usual update every two weeks. Please give me a little more time. I've been travelling for the past week and I started with my graduation thesis, so this will keep me quite busy for the upcoming weeks. If there are any inconsistencies in the recent or upcoming letters it's due to the fact that I've overtaken the whole matter and it's really hard to keep an overview since we have had so many different storylines going on. It's honestly quite a different experience than writing Lend me your Summer. 
> 
> Btw, since we're not going to update any more pictures of letters, would you like me to turn the drumfireletter blog at tumblr into an illustration blog? I can also start adding songs again, if you wish for it.
> 
> Anyway, next update should be around ... June 30th. I'm looking forward to see you around!


	39. Letter from Eren Jaeger to Levi Ackerman. Ypres, April 27th 1915

Ypres, April 27th 1915

 

Dear Levi,

I don’t even know how I should begin this letter. It’s one of these days where I only want to sit somewhere on my own, staring straight into space and every rumble of the grenades, every chirping of the birds is already too much for my ears. It might be that the past few days have been the worst in my entire life. I am – I – It feels so strange, to sit here and write to you, since I had, to be honest, almost lost my hope to survive all of this. You won’t be angry with me if I speak frankly, sir? God, how cruel and cold a human must be to act like this? I have seen many things in these past months, terrible, horrible things, things that don’t appear as horrible anymore as they used to – but somehow – You have always been someone who could deal with the truth, sir. I must write down what happened. I must get rid of these thoughts in my head, these pictures – I think I might go insane otherwise.

I miss the calm days we had before we headed out to the front lines. Since they sent us there I have almost forgotten how it feels like to wear dry clothes. These damn trenches keep filling themselves with water, sometimes it reaches up to our knees. I’ve seen people who needed to go to the hospital because their feet couldn’t stand the moisture anymore. They literally rot away while they’re standing on them, it’s unbearable, also the smell of decay that’s always billowing around the fields and all this dirt. We have by now cut our hair really short, Armin and I, so that we’ll at least look not as dirty as we really are.

We were lying in the trenches – I think it must have been April 22nd. The past few days had been quite calm and everyone was losing their nerves about that. Even Jean, who usually won’t stop talking, finally shut his hole, therefore Connie babbled without a pause; he always does that when he gets nervous. Armin acted calm and anxious, but he does that. Sitting in one of the shelters we played cards to kill time. Eventually – it must have been in the late afternoon, German artillery attacks. We crouch underneath our beds, desks and chairs. Every explosion shakes the whole area so heavily that we are afraid the shelter could collapse and bury us alive. Armin sits next to me, crying; he can deal with the no man’s land, but these narrow places make him suffer. Jean talks to him and finally calms him down. The artillery stops. We think it’s over and are relieved. We look at each other and laugh, that stupid and inane way of laughing that overcomes you when you have been to death’s door and back. We start to get everything back in order, since the explosions usually turn everything into a mess. It’s calm outside, the temperatures quite warm. It’s already like spring, you would say, and slowly, we feel normal again. Even Armin.

Soon after, I don’t know how long exactly, I walk outside and light a cigarette. There is no noise to be heard, only artillery in one remote area that doesn’t concern us. The others stay inside. I can hear them joking and laughing. Then, suddenly, Reiner steps around the corner and approaches me. His face is pale, his eyes widened in terror. It was such a strange picture, he’s actually never scared. We shall beat a retreat, he says, it’s an order from Smith himself, and we should get our asses out of here as soon as possible. I start to talk back, since I don’t understand why we should retreat if there’s obviously nothing going on outside. He then grabs me by the neck and drags me over to this hole in the trench, only big enough to have an occasional look outside. I can see the no man’s land, yet I can’t see it, the horizon disappears in an endlessly white cloud. I ask him if we had foggy weather today and Reiner gives me a smack. He shouts something about gas and that the Germans are coward, sneaky and bloody dogs that he would kill one by another if he would ever get close to them again. We look at each other then everything happens really fast. We run back to the shelter and order the remaining to follow us. Seconds later we run as fast as we can, but we remain in the trenches, since it’s easy to get killed up there.

Suddenly people start to scream at the front lines, obviously the remaining divisions that apparently had not been ordered to retreat as we were. I look back and can see a cloud of white fog swashing into the trenches. Split seconds later we leave the trenches and set our feet on empty field. I stop and turn around. Men are lying on the ground, windlassing like worms, coughing miserably. The first bullet then flashes by my head and I realise that their offence has let us straight in front of their snipers. Reiner shouts and so we run, as fast as we can, away from the fog. After 50 meters or so, Jean turns around and hurries back, shouting that Connie was missing and that he would take care of that. Armin hesitated. I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him with me, running so long until we considered ourselves far away enough from the happening. We, those were Armin, Reiner and me. There was no sign of the others.

We sat in the grass and waited. The screaming wouldn’t fade and same goes for the coughing. Neither of us talked. Eventually we discovered Jean in the distance, carrying Connie on his back. Once he had reached us, he placed Connie in the grass, lying down right next to him. It was obvious that both were in need of a medic, but Connie was actually worse than Jean. Both were coughing heavily, but it was Connie who also claimed that he couldn’t see. We placed him on Reiner’s back and headed to the hospital. Jean was still capable of walking. Both kept coughing, but Connie acted calmer and calmer. The hospital itself was a complete mess; way too many wounded for this small place, between them the nurses with their aprons and bonnets. They sent us away but kept Jean and Connie.

So what should we do? We waited in front of the hospital, waited for the others to return. Reiner fell silent, so did I, only Armin kept crying the whole time; he was worried about Jean, since they are so close. After hours of waiting, what was left of the others arrived, Bertholdt, Flocke, Thomas Wagner, Marlowe Freudenberg. Soon after them Smith, Zacharias and Zoé arrived as well. Everyone was in shock, but Smith disappeared again right away, in order to take care of administrative stuff, we stayed. We have lost half our division in total.

The day after the Germans attacked once more, but this time without gas. Same for the 25th, but we could fight them back.

On the 26th we finally made it back to the hospital. Jean was better; at least that’s what the nurse told us. He’s coughing as if his lung is dissolving, apart from that he might be the old annoying bastard before too long.

We inquired for Connie and Jean fell all silent. There was not much that could have been done, he said, a pulmonary oedema. He died in the night of the attack. We asked Jean whether he had suffered or not and he shook his head, stating that it all had happened very fast, but I know that he lied to us, I saw it in his eyes. Armin looked shocked. I felt just numb. People die next to me every day and, even though it disgusts me to tell you this, I think I’ve gotten used to it by now.

I noticed a pair of boots standing at the bottom end of Jean’s bed, very new and in a very good shape, definitely not those Jean had been running around with the past few weeks. Armin wondered where Jean had gotten them and he replied that he had taken them from Connie. Why? Well, he wouldn’t be able to use them anyway – and it was important to keep dry feet in these muddy trenches. I was not even mad, only jealous.

This place reveals the worst in all of us.

Adieu.

 

* * *

French soldier in the trenches. [Source](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:World_War_I_forces_of_France?uselang=de#/media/File:Guetteur_au_poste_de_l%27%C3%A9cluse_26.jpg).

How it could have been looked like when Eren writes his letters back Home. [Source](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Trenches#/media/File:Eerste_Wereldoorlog,_loopgraven_\(3019092440\).jpg).

French soldiers photographed in their trench. [Source](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Trenches#/media/File:French_trench_battle.jpg).

What Eren saw. [Source](https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zweite_Flandernschlacht#/media/File:Poison_gas_attack.jpg)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening my dear readers!
> 
> The letters are slowly getting longer, and I want to keep that up. So yes, what has happened? Apparently Erwin and his squat got inolved into the so called Second Battle of Ypres, that took place between April 22nd and April 25th 1915. It was the first mass use by Germany of poison gas on the Western front. They released 171 tons of chlorine gas over a front of 6,5 km, held by colonial troops of the French divisions (and ofc Erwin's division as well *cough*). Due to the fact that the French and English troops had not yet been equipped with gas masks - the use of gas itself was already a crime of war back then - the casualities were high. 6000 people died, many within ten minutes from asphyxia and tissue damage, since the gas damages your lungs and eyes. Since karma is a bitch, many German soldiers were injured and killed as well carrying out the attack, since they needed to rely on the wind to blow the gas in the right direction. Chlorine gas is thicker than air, therefore it swashs into the trenches and stays there, causing the soldiers to leave the trenches, which turns them into an easy goal for eventual snipers. In the end, the Germans made some havy mistakes and therefore couldn't shift the front line as much as they had intended to. Apart from that, Ypres, as so many other cities, was left in ruins. I added some pictures because I find them quite interesting and I think I will keep this up too - I used to run illustration blogs, but since there are not as many pictures on tumblr as on wikimedia commons, I'll rather stick to adding them here. I won't be posting pictures of bodies though, rest assured.  
> So yeah, Connie is dead and Jean is in the hospital right now. Makes 2 dead young boys so far. Also I think that Eren has been through quite a development so far. He was so excited to participate in this war, but it seems as if he has grown up now. They're already tired, but who wouldn't be?
> 
> Apart from that German government legalized gay marriage today, and I'm very happy that I'm alive to see this happening. It took long enough and now, FINALLY, gay and heterosexual marriage are the same. 
> 
> Anyone watching Orange Is The New Black? Man, this new season sure was a wild ride!
> 
> Also I'm immersing myself into French. I read Les Misérables in both French and German and it's a really nice experience so far - even though I hardly understand anything in French - but that's how you learn. 
> 
> I hope you guys have been doing all great, I'll see you in two weeks!


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